


Want/Need

by ngm



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham (Video Games), Batman: The Animated Series, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: "Accidental" Voyeurism, Anal, Arkham City Fix-It, Batjokes, BatmanxJoker - Freeform, Blow Jobs, Canon, Canon Batjokes, Canon Compliant to a Point, Canon Divergence, Declarations Of Love, Dom Bruce, Dom!Bruce, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Everyone Lives Fic, Everyone lives, FIx It, Feelings Realization, Fellatio, First Kiss, Infatuation, JokerxBatman, Lust, M/M, Masturbation, Obsession, Oral, Reconciliation, References to Arkham Games, Repressed Feelings, Romance, Secret Identity Reveal, Shame on me, Shower stuff, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Table fucking, Tsundere Batman, Voyeurism, Waltzing, admission of feelings, canon outfit hoarding, canon slow burn, canonical fighting, christmas fucking, coming to terms, dancing on a rooftop, declarations of hate, feelings reveal, he does, lusting, maybe bruce sings sinatra, obsessive bruce wayne, real slow burn, sassy alfred, sassy shit, slow burn kiss, sub!joker, submissive joker, uncontrollable need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-09 04:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10404180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ngm/pseuds/ngm
Summary: I needed to fix the ending of Arkham City. So I did, as canonically as I could while making this a romance. Honestly, the games made it a romance, I'm just fixing the ending here.-The Joker is terminally ill, thanks to his own TITAN formula and the lack of attention from Batman for the last year has only added to his misery.Batman wants to ignore the man, he wants to not have felt the torment of not having the habit he'd formed over the last decade and a half fulfilled... After a year of not even a fight with the Clown Prince of Crime, Bruce finds his spare time consumed with trying to find him.All signs point to Arkham City which he must subtly infiltrate, only to find the Joker near death and their destinies intertwined once again and neither of them will back down, now that they're getting what they need.**All but ONE SONG in this story are actual songs featured in the Arkham games. Links at end**





	1. Under My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't played any of the games but still want to- read this: 
> 
> This story takes place in a canon Batman video game universe where the Joker decides to take over Arkham Asylum and the island it is on in order to cause chaos and destroy Batman. (In a desperate grab for attention) He fails but becomes poisoned by a variation of Bane and Poison Ivy's original venom. After that, politicians in Gotham section off the older parts of the city to make a massive prison-- Arkham City. Needing to get into the prison to find out who is where as it's been a year since Arkham Asylum, Batman finds the Joker is terminally ill and is going to poison a ton of other people with his toxic blood in natural Joker fashion. The game ends with Batman saving the day but not saving everyone. Need I say more?  
> TLDR: Everyone is in a big city-sized prison and the Joker is terminally ill.  
> Spoiler alert for **this** story -- The Joker doesn't die. The music that happens after he 'dies' does happen. Because I'm a sucker for Mark Hamill singing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After orchestrating being thrown into Arkham City as Bruce Wayne; Batman finds that on top of trying to stifle the chaos in this deteriorating city, that he's now been taxed with saving a man he hasn't seen in a year from an impending death all while having to save himself. If he can.

\- = = = -  
It had been just over a year since one of the most notable nights took place at Arkham Asylum; "Chaos Off the Coast of Gotham City!" was what the Gotham Herald called it, praising the Batman for once, rather than the usual tirade of the passive-aggressive bad press.

  
The Bat had spent several weeks post the 'really bad night' at Arkham Asylum; endeavoring to take in what exactly had happened-- who was allied; who was missing, dismembered or misplaced... It had been quite a lot to process but it had secretly one of the more exhilarating nights in some years...There was a lot to digest. The Joker certainly had put in a ton of effort and for Halloween. Usually, they had their bigger clashes closer to Christmas... However, there had been no sign of the clown since their showdown and that had left Batman in a state of perplexed caution.

  
As the climate seemed to settle to a simmer, Bruce, spending nights in the Batcave churning through footage and stored data finally received his first message to from the new found Arkham City. It had found him over seven months from that night, through Wayne Industries.

Well, through the IT department, namely through one Lucius Fox; who had noticed an irregular pulse of being sent via short- wave, with such consistency-- it simply had to be some kind of message. Though it was little more than a simple sequence, when translated from Morse code it repeated the same two letters over again, completing a never-ending (and incessant) ".... .-, .... .-, .... .-, .... .-, .... .-" or "Hahahahaha...".

Bruce was helpless as the corner of his mouth tilted up, hand clenching on the back of Lucius' chair as he read the message from over the other man's shoulder.

-=-

As Hugo Strange made his seemingly well-timed introduction into Quincy Sharp's already bizarre charade, Batman found himself less inclined to argue with Robin's need to patrol --Tim had so far been the most relentless in his pursuit of justice and had made it very clear that he had no intention of slowing so to speak even if the new city-sized jail was doing a somewhat effective job of keeping Gotham "clean".

  
Bruce, on the other hand, couldn't be torn away from his monitors long enough to reply with anything more than a hand raise or a grunt, constantly re-adjusting his glasses under the glare of several LCD screens. He dug up what he could on Strange, Sharp and the like. Rumors of T&T absconding with the residual TITAN containers and experimenting did not go unnoticed; nor did the Sionis shipments to one Doctor J. Crane in Old Gotham... or what was now New Arkham City. No, Batman had been churning away, conferring with Oracle and Nightwing, making sure that Robin was not only keeping the froth of foulness to a minimum but keeping his own eyes peeled for any signs of the storm brewing.

  
However...

He had kept the transmission, from who he could only assume was... well... He had kept it to himself, for a good day or so, before Barbara paged him with the information he already had known and the source of the signal. It was foolish to think that she wouldn't have picked up on the obvious beacon. Though, it was reassuring to know that his confidant and informant was so consistently on point.

-=-

There had been the 'impromptu' press conference called by Bruce Wayne to expose the truth about Doctor Hugo Strange and his connections to Arkham Asylum, City and Mayor Sharp. All of it had appeared to be flashy and on the fly, but this well-orchestrated charade had been set up weeks in advance all without having to trust Vicki Vale or Jack Ryder with any of the particulars. There was no doubt in Bruce's mind that the looming event was a perfect stage for Gotham's Golden Son to get his mild-mannered rear-end thrown into the confines of the prison, for no good reason, but he was going in more than prepared.

He had already located Poison Ivy at her frankly ostentatious hide-out, which could easily be seen from Wayne Enterprises. She was going to be vital to reach out to if the TITAN had made it to Arkham City. Despite her somewhat wishy-washy nature, deep beneath the pheromones and chlorophyll was still an intellectual woman who yearned for stimulation, other than what she claimed to troll for.

Catwoman, too, was not a problem to access. Selina, like her chosen moniker, could only be left alone for so long before she would find herself slinking out of the shadows to engage in a little bit of Cat and Bat... or well, Cat and Bird more recently. Nightwing had informed his mentor some weeks back that the usually inappropriately-dressed burglar had been scarce since her "proper" incarceration in Arkham City. Still, this would be no issue for Bruce, as it was very unlikely that Ms. Kyle had uprooted all of her various cat-lady things and left her cat's nest for good just yet.

Cobblepot would likely be in back the Iceberg Lounge or the docks nursing his wounds and pride, Harvey at the courthouse-- big shocker there... His biggest irritations would be locating Fries, The Riddler and what he suspected was a copy-cat murderer, but they all could wait. Tonight, he had an agenda.

-=-

The sound of corded carbon hissing through the night was muffled by wet, relentless snow, the flakes more like great big clumps, constant and only seeming to increase as time wore on. Light pollution from Gotham made the sky appear orange, everything too bright to be night but dull around the edges-- somehow slowing time.  
Something felt off... Perhaps tonight wasn't the night for the late-evening press conference. Maybe holding it in the beginning of December on a Thursday hadn't been the most convenient idea, but it certainly was incredibly subtle. In Arkham City it was too murky and cold to be reasonable for as many thugs there were to be loitering around outside... Maybe it was the fact that there seemed to be more than necessary TYGER guards patrolling, even swarming the stage he'd been standing on, though he had anticipated aggressive force.

Maybe it was the fact that there seemed to be more than necessary TYGER guards patrolling, even swarming the stage he'd been standing on, though he had anticipated aggressive force.

No, it wasn't until Batman had paused, head tilted up towards this bastard snow, perched on the tattered overpass to what was now referred to as 'Amusement Mile that the detective considered this night would be far longer than normal. And 'normal' was relative, but even to his standards, something still felt off, in his gut.

His hunch of intuition would be spot on as he found himself infiltrating the Steel Mill and being confronted with a truly damaged looking Joker. Still, the clown had every bit of his personality, his tasteless humor-- but his corporeal was cancerous, deteriorating, rotting from the inside out and the sight of the usually spry man was overwhelming.

-=-

He had been ricocheting around for about two hours since confronting the Joker, gathering his bearings, his new mission to fabricate more of an antidote to this... sickness. Victor had been an immense help but his cure wasn't entirely stable and though they had a terse trust between them, Bruce couldn't put his complete faith in Fries not sabotaging him. Batman needed to make a stronger antidote... maybe something with the liquid in the Lazarus pits... maybe going to the source would be the best plan. He just couldn't stop thinking about how the clown looked. It had been too long. Long enough to feel guilty.

When he had encountered the ragged looking Joker, he held his tongue, eyes narrowing beneath his cowl. It had been a year since he had seen his nemesis, had actually looked at him and the sight was too much. It was too distracting which was how he'd found himself strapped to that chair with that stupid lanky creature folded spread across his lap.

He took a deep breath, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as a wave of nausea rolled through him. The fact that he had been pumped full of toxic blood was ... Perhaps it was psychosomatic but he could 'feel' the changes in his body. He could feel it dragging him down.

It wouldn't be until a little later that he'd realize it was a little of both, once Alfred reached out over the Bat-Comm to voice his concerns about Bruce's spikes in vitals.

A crackle of interference caused the Bat to flick on his detective vision, crouching as his head snapped to gaze down the mile.

"I've seen every guy in here 'cept fer Scarecrow... guess Croc really *DID* get that guy..." Moaned a thug, his words echoing from deeper in the district, picked up by one of the many well-too-advanced-for-any-modern-military-to-regularly-use (as it could be abused far too easily) devices that Waynetech manufactured.

_'..Scarecrow...'_

The thought of the mad doctor too-far-gone made him straighten, a hand coming up to palm at his face... It was so cold and yet he felt stuffy, stifled, almost panicked in his suit... He could certainly blame it on Joker's blood, on the limited time frame he had to find a cure... But after finding the Scarecrow's mask, after finding his shipyard hide-out...

Bruce began to feel queasiness of reality set in... The Dark Knight dropped to one knee, breathing shallowly, even while alone trying not to show any weakness... but he ached... he was beyond tired, beyond spent... he was beginning to feel like a marionette... and then--

"Ring- _ring_! What are ya doin' there, Bats?" The Joker suddenly chimed in, husky voice vibrating through his head... "Sounds... *exciting*..." The very clearly sick man purred, a gurgle-y laugh rumbling from his chest. This phone-comm-thing really was a good idea! He could just slap himself for waiting so long to take advantage of the apparently easy-to-manipulate technology the Bat employed...

Batman groaned, standing up and righting himself with renewed vigor. Joker had been screwing with him more than usual. From the fake-death to every other over-the-goddamn-top shenanigan the jokester could conjure.

"What do you want." Batman growled flatly, inhaling the cold night's air up his nose so sharply that it both whistled and ached painfully... like a kick to the brain. As the vigilante straightened yet again, he rolled his head from side to side, cracking his neck, adjusting his cape and cowl. The Joker let out another low noise, a chuckle...

"Oh, Batsy, you know what I want... Don't be so coy...!" He chided, the vivacity back in his voice as well... These two were a tumultuous force, constantly charging the other up... everyone from Harley to Harvey knew it... But boy, did the others try to outdo the clown. Recently it seemed that anyone that could be bothered was trying to take him down.

"I don't have time for this…” The Batman rumbled, his jaw clenching and tightening as he heard the tittered laughter leave Joker’s chest in a rumble.

"Oh, youuu... You have all of the time in the world for **Me** , Batman! Well, not _tonight_ but, in general! I know you missed me. Don't worry, I missed you too.” The clown nearly sang, sighing out the last part with a bit of a phlegmy wheeze. " _Only yooooouuuuu, can make this world seem brightttt..._ "

"Enough." Came the Bat's growled response, not ready or wanting to hear the Joker serenade him at the moment. He was answered with a thick laugh that trailed off into coughing, every gasp and shudder that vibrated through his head via his communicator making his jaw clench and teeth grind.

The bitterness of this December night was suddenly relished as the Dark Knight inhaled more of the sharp air in through his nose, the chill bringing his focus back to his many tasks at hand. His perogative was to gain access to Ivy's current lair and get as many answers from her about the structure of the TITAN serum that he could, without having to assault her... Months of trial and error on what he'd obtained of the green fluid led Bruce to believe that she had what he needed to reverse the effects and making her cross with such little time to spare would be a disservice to his cause, however selfish it may be. Allowing the Joker to perish would be his undoing, be that reputation-wise and psychologically. The facts were simple to him, regardless of how convoluted the situation was in actuality. Alfred had also made it very clear that he was aware of how consumed his once-ward had become over this particular issue in his subtle, passive ways.

Another click-hiss of his bat-grapple sent him sailing towards the GCPD, every yard he covered filled him with more drive and though he was exhausted, the thrill of possibly salvaging his own sanity drove him closer to Pam's hideout. There was a faint crackle before the sound of a throat clearing that alerted Bruce that his communication with the Clown Prince of Crime had resumed.

"You know..." the madman drawled, continuing a statement he hadn't yet made, "I should have stuck you with a tracking device while I had you..." A sigh that sounded too wistful. "Oh well, we'll just have to make due with seamless, un-interruptable communication then, now won't we..." The Joker purred, a laugh rumbling out of him which dissolved into a wet sounding string of coughs. Batman shook his head as he landed, perching himself on a billboard just outside of the building Ivy had staked claim to.

"I'm busy." he rumbled shortly, flicking on his detective-mode, gauging the status on the three henchmen patrolling the rig outside of Ivy's.

"Ohh, you're ALWAYS too busy for me these days... For a YEAR, Batman! A whole year without you!" The Joker sulked, suddenly sounding angry as venom crept into his voice.

"Where are you?" he barked, volume raising. "Are you with the cat?!"  
The Bat would have rolled his eyes if he hadn't been in the midst of dispatching the armed henches.

"No."

"Harley!!" the Joker barked, voice thick with phlegm and rage "Assemble some of the boys and bring me my Batman, I've had enough of waiting for him to get his ass here!!!" He roared.

Already outside of Ivy's, the vigilante was casing the deteriorating hotel... A well-placed ice grenade and a few leaps had the Bat inside of crumbling building, a few floors below the woman and her henchmen. He cracked his neck as he heard Harley's shrill reply of "Anything ya say, Mista J!" over his earpiece.

The Joker made a pleased noise, triumphant as he turned his attention back to the Bat at hand.  
"See what you've made me do? Now you've got Harley on your hands." he snorted, talking out of the side of his mouth. " _Better yours than mine_..."

Genuinely not concerned about the potential saga of having Harleen Quinzel actually find him at any point in the near future, the Batman stealthily traversed the first few floors of the husked out building, tossing re-animated thugs over each floor with so much ease it was almost laughable.

  
If Ivy had heard any of the commotions, she certainly hadn't made it at all clear that she'd noticed; nor had she made any attempt to adequately cover her flora-wrapped form.

Unphased, the Dark Knight stormed her makeshift throne, a little surprised as he was able to come toe to toe with the temptress.

"I need your help." Came the sharp bark, Batman disabling his Detective Mode so he could focus on the woman.

"No hello? You are just the worst..." Pamela murmured, shifting in her chair. She lifted a leg up and pushed the broad man back a bit with a bare foot.

"Fine, *Hello* Ivy, I need your help." The Bat re-clarified, inhaling through his nose as he took in his surroundings.

"Why should I help you? Are you going to help me get the hell out of this freezing hell hole? I don't think you're so inclined..." The redhead looked at her nails, then the back of her hand. She and the Bat had always had a contentious relationship... She may be a mad, mad woman, but she technically wasn't evil. Just vengeful and very, very smart. The cunning at times got in the way of that, but it was a small thing that Batman could respect her for.

"I am shutting this place down. Nobody deserves to be in this place." He uttered with a wave of his hand, nose crinkling beneath his mask. It was truly horrible in these decrepit buildings, it was inhumane.

"Oh really? Well, that sweetens the deal a little. What could *I* possibly be able to help you with?" The green skinned woman purred, eyes narrowing as she looked past her hand to the man's half-covered face. If anyone had the tenacity to disassemble this cesspool of a city, it would be _him_. 

The Batman took a deep breath. This had been something he had been rehearsing in his head for months.  
"You... took part in the TITAN formula. Correct?"

Pam's eyebrows rose quite noticeably and she straightened a bit on her throne.

"Mmhmm..." There was a tilt to her voice as if she sounded unamused.

"There must be some way to fabricate an antidote then? I have already come up with something for the people who have recently been exposed with Fries but I need a stronger formula for those who are in the more advanced stages--"

"Those?" Ivy said with air quotes, her eyes narrowing as she peered into the Bat, almost as if she was trying to look through his mask. "You want me to do you a favor, for *him*?" She balked, a bitter laugh almost creeping past her lips.

Batman said nothing, just stared back at her, waiting for more of her incredulity.

"Why the HELL would I do anything for that nasty bastard?!" She barked, hands slamming down on the arm rests of her chair.

"I'm sure Harley would appreciate it." Batman deadpanned in response, straining to keep his cool.

"*Harley* would be better off if he were dead!!!"

THAT caused the vigilante to bristle, taking a few quick steps to close the space between himself and the woman. His hands went over her wrists, their faces close.

"Harley would be inconsolable at the state she is presently in and we both know *you* don't want that." He rumbled, internalizing his smirk as he watched her face, watched her eyes soften a little.

"She is a brilliant woman..." Pamela hissed. "She well above him in every way, his mere existence is a burden on this planet!" Her voice was getting louder. "She doesn't need him!!!!"

" **I NEED HIM!!!!** "

Batman barked back, finally snapping as he grasped Ivy's biceps and shook her. Eyes going wide, she lifted her foot back up to kick the man back and it worked, his hands giving way, stepping back with ease and likely a fraction shame. It was the first time he'd admitted this to anyone but Alfred, let alone so loud and Bruce gave himself a moment to rub at his head with both hands, eyes squeezing shut for a moment.

"No kidding, Batman." Ivy murmured, rubbing her arms as she gazed at him. "After all, I _do_ have eyes."

  
He let out a growl at that, righting himself and planting himself once again before the redhead.

  
"I need your help. Please." Came the man to the woman, his voice less gravelly, less abrasive. She was his only hope at saving the Joker.

  
Taken back perhaps, by the tone of voice or by the raw admission... Pamela reluctantly got to her feet, looking at the other again and then sighed.

"As you can see... I have next to nothing in the scientific department..." She began, walking around the man before peering out of one of the many holes in the walls of the decrepit building. It was more than dreadful out there. Pam couldn't remember the last time she saw the sun let alone felt anything but artificial warmth.

Bruce had been anticipating this temporary partnership and been orchestrating a very calculated response the debacle at Arkham. He had been modifying the Bat Cave enough for four partitioned walls to be set on one of the suspended levels, a solitary room rather than the open space that could be traversed by grapple, more isolation, more medical and science facilities.

"I have a lab that you can have limited access to, as long as you help. I can also promise temporary amnesty as long as I can. Your whereabouts after this can be unknown to all but you." Batman rumbled as he flipped open his comm-link and called for the Bat-Wing.

"Well, that is awfully generous of you..." Came Ivy's stunted response as her eyebrows rose with modest surprise.

She watched as man sprayed a bat symbol on one of the crumbling outer walls and nudged her away from the explosion. It seemed to shake the building, but that was hardly noticed by either through the sudden hail of bullets coming at them.

"HA! FOUND YA!!! OH, HEY IVY!!!!" Harley screamed over a bullhorn, standing on the edge of a billboard while a half a dozen henches stood on the roof of the crumbling building across from them, then flailed her arms in a wild wave. The bullets didn't stop and Batman didn't have the time or patience to take them all out as the Bat-Wing roared up above the lot of them. Another click-hiss and the loud ruffle of Batman's cape all seemed to fall in sync, almost musically. Suddenly, said cape was wrapped around the slight green woman around and he hoisted her up to the aircraft amid the lead shower.

The former blonde watched as her friend was snatched up by the Bat, a look of genuine confusion crossing her face, then rage.

"Get 'em, boys! I'LL SAVE YA, PAMMY!!!" Harley roared into the bullhorn, bu it was really no use, as the Bat-Wing zipped off with something short of a localized sonic boom, knocking back all six henchmen onto their asses and one Miss Harleen Quinzel off of the billboard and into the icy water below.

-=-

Back at the Steel Mill, the Joker, after being briefed by a borderline hysterical Harley, ground his teeth together, threw back his head and laughed. He laughed until he couldn't breathe, falling back into his chair and hugging himself weakly as he cackled.

The Bat had found the Plant and was now surely off to go make an antidote... Oh, look at how much he CARED! The thought made the Joker smile until his lips cracked, licking at his tart, poisonous blood with a dry tongue. Too little, too late and he let himself fall into a light, well-needed rest.

-=-

Synthesizing the antidote to a more advanced and stable form required a brief and irritating run back to a relatively condemned Arkham Asylum. This too, required he take Poison Ivy with him and the two go on a hunt through the remaining traversable levels of the Botanical Gardens. Once the 'moss' was found, Batman wasted no time hauling the woman out and flying back to the Bat Cave; there was little time left and he was beginning to feel less coordinated as the time that was left ticked relentlessly on.

They worked in silence, Bruce managing to maintain an air of patience about him while he watched Pamela punch in the last few sequences on his Bat Computer.

"This is a really impressive set-up you've got here..." She murmured, waiting for the machine to spit out the large vial of amethyst colored fluid.

Bruce had spent several months modifying the Bat Cave to have some privacy between the levels. Alfred had been a bit reticent to comply with his somewhat strange and possibly destructive situation... but there had been no talking Master Wayne out making a modular second living quarters out of the cave and no speaking whatsoever of who he intended to keep down there. He'd even had a ceiling installed over the modest space, as not to incur any bat droppings in the supposedly sterile room.

"Hnn..." Batman had his eyes on the vessel, pushing Pamela aside as he gathered up the precious serum, loading it into a gun mounted on his utility belt.

"Fair enough." Was her only reply, then a sound of shock as dosed himself a portion of the fluid.

Almost instantly, the lines of stress from the tainted blood coursing through his veins began to disappear, the tinge of green around his eyes, the perpetually clenched jaw, and Bruce let out a faint sigh as he felt his energy thunder back through his veins. He had only been stuck with the Joker's poisoned blood for a short period of time, he was "lucky". This still may not be comprehensive enough to save the Joker. But he had to try, however sick that sounded.

Ivy's eyebrows rose as she glanced at the Batman, watching him clench and unclench his fists and then shudder.

"So far so good?" She murmured, taking a step back, suddenly feeling a tad wary.

The Batman whirled, reaching under the console to pull out a canvas rucksack and handed it to the bristling woman.

"Rations, money and a poncho." Bruce rumbled, a little relieved as she took the pack with a smile.

"So, you're the just going to let me go?" She murmured with a wave of her hand, shouldering the surprisingly heavy pack over one arm.

"You kept up your end of the bargain. It seems to be working, my vitals are where they should be." He replied, glancing at her. "So yes."

"He must be very important to you," Ivy responded, gauging her tone, her body language. She watched as the man in black tensed, attention turned back to the console. He began to punch in a coordinance for the Bat Wing, not looking to the redhead as he replied.

"I'm dropping you off on the very outskirts of Miagani-- it is your responsibility and yours alone to see that you stay out of trouble and don't get yourself re-incarcerated. This is your only chance."

Pam bit back a smirk. ' _I'll take that as a resounding yes, then..._ ' she thought, nodding as Batman whirled away from the computer and led the way back to the jet. She noted as they walked, how much like a medical bay this place looked. Sure, it was nearly all black and had bats but it seemed quite clinical. The familiarity of the sterile white and autoclaved metal was almost refreshing, for a bizarre, scientific part of her persona... Maybe Batman's alter-ego was some fancy surgeon or something. Who cared.

The real juicy stuff was about how deep the Batman was in for the Joker. It made her smile, it was almost cute... in a heartbreaking sort of constantly in agony kind of way.

Although, it did clear the path to Harleen... Damn. If she could get the blonde out from under the Joker's thumb she could be redeemed in some way. At very least have her back as a solid ally, surely more. Hell, she didn't even need the pheromones for the blonde she didn't quite-so-secretly adored.

As they stopped at the door of the Bat Wing, she glanced back over her shoulder, opening her mouth to speak.

"--There is no manual over-ride. It's going where I want it to. We've complied with each other so far... Let's just wrap this up." Batman interrupted, offering his hand for her to step up and straddle the seat of the vehicle.  
"Well, you read my mind. Good luck, Batman."  
"I don't need luck, I need time." Was his reply, stepping back as the Bat-Wing lifted off and fired out of the Bat Cave.

  
-=-

He was waiting for the Bat-Wing to return, knowing that time was against him and there were several more obstacles-- Including the increased presence of the TYGER operatives and the GCPD to overcome before he could effectively save the Joker and rehabilitate him here.

There was also the challenge of actually getting the Joker healed... and then detaining him until there was a suitable, non-corrupted facility he could be returned to. Or so he was telling himself. The antidote had worked astonishingly quickly on him... it may take a while to repair the long term damage the TITAN formula had done for over a year.

A year.

It had been a year since he had even seen the Joker-- six months since that simple transmission from the man who he had been fighting almost nightly for the better part of almost two decades. The cretin who he had thrown, punched, strangled, bataranged, head-locked, hurled into the Batmobile, dragged into Arkham... A year since the habit that had formed had abruptly become inaccessible.

Tonight had been the first time he had seen his arch-nemesis since that night at the asylum and the tension was so high that Batman found himself caught completely off guard; taken for a fool; his life put at risk all because he was blinded by obsession. The Batwing roared back into the cave and Bruce steeled himself for what he had to do. This was it, either this antidote worked or all would be lost.

-=-

As the night ticked on, as he was constantly harassed by the Clown Prince of Crime, as he foiled Cobblepot, took down Hush, sought the Scarecrow to no avail, temporarily teamed up with Bane -- that had almost been bad and finally confronted Strange and Ra's; all that pulsed through his veins was the desire for this night to be over. This infinite test of his patience and sanity to come to an end. By the time he'd realized that Basil Karlo was in on all of this; that Talia had been killed and that Ra's had taken his own life, he was barely able to feel anything but the overwhelming need to tower over the Joker and end this once and for all. In his mind, he had successfully equated the climax of this whole Arkham debacle with his own redemption -- It was his responsibility to fix this entire mess.

A spare vial of the first synthesized antidote by Victor shattered to the ground and the Joker started to laugh, falling to his elbows, to his back on the floor. This had been his twisted plan all along, to die beneath the Batman, to finally win this game.

"Not tonight," Batman growled, descending on the sickly man, his cape fluttering down and enshrouding them both. He unholstered the gun of purple serum from behind his back and watched the Joker's eyes widen for a moment before falling shut.

"I need you," Bruce growled in a thick whisper, admitting the unadmittable and betraying himself.

The hiss of the hypo emptying into the madman's neck caused Bruce to instantly untense and he flicked on his detective vision; watched the Joker's slurring vitals slowly begin to pick back up. He stood and reholstered the hypo gun, then bent down to lift the limp man from the stage of the Monarch Theatre.

The Joker stirred, his head lifting barely as he gazed up at his nemesis and smiled before his head dropped back weakly. Well... this wasn't a part of the plan... But that made it fun! To be fair, getting poisoned by the TITAN serum in the first place wasn't on the menu either, but eh.

-=-

The long walk out past the armed guards returned Batman to his tensed state, his gait slow and surly as he marched past the ranks of GCPD. Gordon was mostly speechless, his mouth dropping open and cigarette falling out as the Dark Knight lumbered past him, arms full of what looked like a dead man. Batman said nothing as he walked by, past dozens of cruisers and off into the night with the body of the Joker. It was assumed by all, that Batman would bring the body to GCPD HQ so no one stopped the stunned hero as he disappeared into the cold blackness of the night...

But that never happened.

-=-

 


	2. You Are My Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred is not about the recovering Joker being rehabilitated in the Batcave and tries to call Bruce out.  
> The Joker wakes up after a few weeks of intense recovery and bumps into some handsome looking motherfucker as he skulks around his new digs and the gawking ensues.  
> It appears even the Clown Prince of Crime can be distracted by the King of Spades

-=-

Now, time was of the essence as it was now Bruce's prerogative to get back to the Bat Cave as fast as feasible and get the Joker under the attention of a trained physician. Perhaps the medic on hand had to be coerced into helping but after some time and grating rationalizations from a lonely man, Mr. Pennyworth reluctantly agreed to provide temporary primary care for the madman. He still didn't like the idea of it or **want** to understand why Bruce was so adamant to save the green haired fool but there was not much the butler could do to sway the billionaire from what he desired. Truth be told... when Master Bruce was focusing his attention on the Joker, he seemed to be at his most relaxed.

  
The Batmobile had been waiting for him on the outskirts of Arkham City's reinforced doors and he was barely able to keep himself from running back to the vehicle and hoisting the other man over his shoulder. He had played this out in his head, over and over for months, all of the variations possible and some of the impossible. It had made his heart race and his stomach sour; it had filled him with the worry of a thousand outcomes. There were variables such as not even knowing the Joker was ill or how ill or WHY he was ill... Then what if he hadn't gotten Ivy's help? Or Victor's? What if he had run out of time? He hadn't accounted for Ra's or Talia... Talia. Damn. Or Grundy and he certainly hadn't factored in getting poisoned.

The roof hissed open on the favorite of his vehicles and the Batman allowed himself a deep breath as he looked at the resting Joker. He looked as normal as he could situation provided, but exhausted. The serum was acting fast and the broad open sores were closing up.

  
"Relax, dear, I'm fine..." The clown murmured, an eye cracking open as he caught the other man studying him. A hand rose and weakly pawed at the Bat's jaw before his smile widened and he let his eye fall back shut.

He was gonna milk the _HELL_ out of this.

"Hn." Was the response the Joker got and he was treated to the extremely rare 'careful' treatment from his ultimate enemy.

Buckling the thin man into the bucket seat, the Batman moved around the car with a little more ease; sliding into his seat and firing off into the darkness. On the ride back to the manor, Bruce wondered if the other man had noticed his eyes widen at the gesture and was sure, as much as it embarrassed him and made his skin prick, that the Joker had.

-=-

It had been just over three weeks since the nightmare at Arkham City. That put it at the 23rd of December and the Joker had been in and out of consciousness; not yet aware that he was in a room in the Bat Cave. Not quite knowing that had been attached to a glucose drip and an IV for the better part of a month. The times that his eyes had fluttered open, he had gazed up at a beige, sharp-edged face with a dark mop and shiny glasses, but always quickly fell back out after those times. There was once when he caught the sound of two voices speaking in hushed tones, but he couldn't will his eyes to open to see who or what the source of the sound had come from.

  
Unbeknownst to them, the Joker had begun to stir during a time where Bruce had coerced his butler and most trusted adversary into removing the glucose drip from the Joker's arm while leaving the vital monitor still attached. The conversation he had nearly made out was between Gotham's Biggest Billionaire and his help, apparently.

"Sir... I must implore you to reconsider--"

Bruce held up his hand, holding the Joker's wrist as he checked his pulse against the machine he was hooked up to, inhaling sharply through his nose as he let the pale hand down. He was getting better... there were still some moments of irregular breathing, arrhythmia, but the critical stages had passed. The Joker was the furthest along in this sickness and even still, Batman was cautious about whether or not this was a complete cure.

  
"Alfred... I have to do this... and I thank you for your cooperation, despite being well aware of your concerns."

"Sir, the concerns are vast." Alfred deadpanned, arms folded behind his back. "I must ask if you have an answer to my previous question as of yet..."

The butler was referring to the question that had been very nearly shouted at his employer/son. 'Why?! Why risk EVERYTHING!?' Alfred had barked, hands balled into fists at his sides at the first notion of Bruce bringing the Joker into their home, giving away his identity (which Bruce had scoffed at, sure that at least the clown and the cat knew who he was), potentially putting all that he had built at risk.

"I need him." Was Bruce's simple reply and Alfred couldn't help his mouth dropping open just a tad.

"Please elaborate, sir." The older man murmured, watching the other intently.

Bruce kept his eyes on the unconscious man, unfocused as he began to speak.

"I have spent... so much of my time, devoted so much of my energy, my efforts, my goals... To defeat Him. It was always Him. All of this boils down to... _H_ _im_." Bruce murmured, almost sounding defeated as he stared down at the placid face. How he longed to see that fool smile. It made him feel nauseous. It was so strange to look at the prone man and not see the smile lines on his face, not see the fire in his eyes.

"So many nights, so many wounds. So many deaths I think, maybe I could have prevented if things had been... I had realized sooner." Bruce continued, glancing back to his butler.

One of Alfred's eyebrows rose at that.

"Everything I do... I do with him in my mind. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I pass out from exhaustion... it's him. I don't know when this hate began to mutate, Alfred. But I _need_ him."

Batman turned to face the older man, dropping the Joker's hand while letting out another sigh through his nose. There was a bit of guilt in his gaze, but Bruce continued his answer.

"The thought of him dying was too much for me to bare." He murmured, voice hushed. "I can't. And I won't. Alfred, you have to trust me... I will have this all under control."

  
"And how do you suppose this will work that out, sir?"

"He needs me too." Bruce murmured, glancing back down at the clown before standing, allowing himself the incredibly guilty gesture of his fingers grazing across that white forehead. He half expected those eyes to snap open wildly and the Joker to grab his wrist, but nothing more than the little bit of twitching and the regulation of the unconscious man's breathing.

Alfred waited for his ward to leave before casting a long and wary glance at the indisposed clown. If Bruce was right... then this would AT VERY LEAST begin to explain all of the times the Joker had serenaded Batman... Called him 'dear' or 'darling'. Crooned at him, made lewd statements... He could go on. It was also perhaps why Batman had continued to listen and dissect the transmission that was sent mere hours before the climax of their night. He had insisted that there was a message within the song, 'Only you...' But the message was crystal clear. The butler shook his head as he folded his arms behind his back and left the modular room. The things he put up with from Bruce... this so far, had been the most taxing, emotionally and psychologically-- for both of them, it appeared.

-=-

The next time the Joker had stirred, he'd mustered the ability to open an eye, found he was in a dimly lit room, in a decent sized bed and felt pretty damn good! Stretching out his arms, he also found himself attached to a machine by one long finger and a laugh began to rumble from his throat. An eyebrow arched as the clown noticed the definite lack of gurgle and pain in his chest.

Mmm... That was _nice._..

Shifting again, he became aware that this was NOT his bed. Or couch. Or car. Or anywhere else he found himself passing out. This was a clean, newish bed. This was not any one of the hide-outs, or Arkham or the Steel Mill. The Joker tipped his head to the side as his eyes continued to focus and he noted the fancy ICU monitor he was attached to. His head craned a bit further and eyes narrowed quite a bit more when he noted the subtle Bat symbol embossed beneath the monitor.

_Sonofabitch!_

The urge to search the room for some kind of weapon flared briefly then left him and the clown let his eyes fall back shut for a moment, spreading out on the more than modest bed.

  
_Christ_ , Batman had actually saved him!

A low purr of a laugh escaped his lips and he snuggled back into the comfort that he was rarely afforded, not realizing that his moment had turned into several-teen more hours.

-=-

When he awoke again, he remembered the following --  
A) Where he was.  
2) *Who* he was.  
and  
III) That he probably should grab a weapon regardless of whether or not the Batman had saved him. After all, now that he was awake he was probably getting sent back to Blackgate.

  
First, however, the man found as he rose from the bed, that he was wearing light blue scrubs and that he had to go to the bathroom something serious. After deducing that he needed to stay attached to this stupid machine as not to set off some Bat-Alarm, the Joker rolled it and himself to the narrowest of three doors in this dimly lit room and found that was not, in fact, a closet but a modest lavatory. He went and did what he had to do; then was distracted, naturally, by the mirror.

"Well, hot diggity damn. I look _good_!"

The clown chirped, running his fingers through his full hair. He tipped his head from left to right, gazing at his glorious smooth, pale skin instead of the rotting mess he had become. This blue, though, this blue was not his color; made him look almost translucent. "Ah!" And then he noticed the quaint toiletries, the washcloths, the toothbrush. He could use it... or he could snap the head off and use it as a shiv.

  
_That_ sounded like a better idea.

As the Joker skulked out of the bathroom, he reached down to idly to squeeze at the blanket on the bed. Damn, this was nice. Why in the HELL was Batman being so... decent? Guilt after leaving him to rot in Arkham for a year? Pity? Nah... Probably guilt. He was a guilty sonofabitch if he'd ever seen one. ( _And he was one, so he had._ )  
Ah, whatever. He had to figure out what was going on and how to avoid getting his ass handed to him before getting the hell out of this place. Back to the ole grind!

Taking a deep breath, the Joker tried the best he could to curl the knob of the door silently and disengage it from the latch, pushing it open. It glided noiselessly and he was grateful for the stealth and probably WD-40. (Good ole' WD-40, best lube in a pinch! HA! )Now, he clutched the broken toothbrush in his right fist, his left holding onto the support rod for the stupid Bat-machine he was still digitally attached to.

The first sight he was greeted with was a huge, dark space, a cavern-- (a cave?) that had been decked out with tons of carbon fiber crap.

If he had been thinking clearer, it would have clicked suddenly but the Joker mostly gawked. The next sight he was treated with was that man he didn't quite recognize, sitting at a vast computer console of at least a dozen monitors, a few yards away from where he was standing --on what looked like a massively suspended platform in this gigantic cave.

From where he gaped, he could make out the profile of the man and it made him ache with a familiarity he couldn't quite place. Almost black hair and tiny rectangular spectacles over heavily lidded eyes, a straight nose accompanied by the strongest jawline he'd ever seen (well, almost); he was sitting with a straight back but little grace, chin his palm as he looked down at some papers, rather than all of those screens. (If he had been looking at the screens he would have seen the increase in heart-rate of the man who should be resting, though he'd been looking at it for the last three weeks fairly regularly as he waited for the Joker to come back to consciousness on his own).

The sound of the toothbrush clattering to the floor echoed wildly through the Batcave, it even alarmed some of the young batlings, who chirped in shock at the noise.  
Bruce whirled around in his swivel chair, standing and faced the source of the noise.

Ah, shit, he was awake.

A quick glance back at the widget blinking wildly on screen five made Bruce wince and he looked back at the man who'd taken a few curious steps closer. _Fuck._ He should have been paying more attention.

  
"..."

The silence was odd and strange and long and the unmasked Batman rose both eyebrows as he watched several expressions cross the other man's face.

"Uhh..." The Joker murmured weakly, then cleared his throat, arrogance flaring in place. "Just who _hell_ are you?" The clown hissed, though he had tried to keep his mouth shut. This statuesque man looked irritatingly familiar and he was, frankly, breathtakingly handsome. Good God. Was that _Bruce Wayne_?

Clearing his throat, Bruce held his hand up as if indicating that the other shouldn't approach, (though he did) and glanced at the Joker; inhaling through his nose as he endeavored to keep the relief from his face. Joker looked... Healthy. There was certainly work to do with ensuring that he stayed stabilized but it looked like he could be at peace with letting Pamela go on the promise of her antidote.

"Ah..." Was the Bat allowed himself to utter as they stood facing one another, now only yards apart. Bruce removed his glasses, hanging them off of the front of his breast pocket, an eyebrow arching as he studied the Joker's face, the silence was deafening but for the now noticeable squeaking from the bats above.

This was a familiar stance this pose, this preface to a dance... The Joker moved a step forward, eyes narrowing as he tipped his head back and gazed down the length of his nose at the man. This was the man who he could vaguely recall looking up at the every so often, from that bed. This, tall, broad drink of water was casually existing in what looked like the goddamn cave-- _waitasecond_.

"Batman, you're a friggin' _hunk_...!" The Joker breathed, forcing his own mouth shut with both hands beneath his chin before he erupted in wild, shocked, cackling.  
Bruce paused on the landing, his expression going flat and he couldn't help but smirk a tiny bit. There was something about hearing the Joker laughing that made him feel more relief and perhaps they even made the skin on his arms prickle with goosebumps... not that the clown could see that. This, however, was one of the better reactions the other man could have at his discovery.

"That's what I'm told." He rumbled, voice decidedly less gravelly but still distinctly Batman and he moved down the few steps from the computing platform he was on towards the borderline hysterical cretin.

"It all makes sense!!!" The Joker gasped between laughs, attempting a pause for composure as he stared at the other man and then proceeded to howl as he failed oh-so miserably. While the formerly poisoned man was overwhelmed by reality, Bruce approached, checking the machine that the Joker had rolled out with himself then punched a sequence on the screen and unplugged the skinny, pale man from the apparatus.

He grasped at the clown's wrist, pulling the sensor from his left pointer finger tip and pocketed the device as the green haired man managed to stifle his laughter and simply stare while Gotham's Golden Son doted on him.

_What in the actual fuck._

"How are you feeling?" Bruce asked, his hands quickly back to his sides. He went for his glasses, pulling them from his breast pocket, breathing on them, then cleaning them on the front of his dress shirt as he made space between them, drifting back towards the console with a step or two.

"Oh, me? I'm just dandy..." The Joker exhaled, blinking at the other man and leaning quite heavily on the metal stand of the vitals machine. Bruce darted forward in a flash, grasping at the other's shoulder, as he stumbled. (That machine and it's aluminum stand were not built for a 6'5" guy to be leaning on.) They were closer than they had been in an age and the Joker began to giggle low in his throat, pressing himself closer to his Batman as he grasped at the front of his shirt for more support.

"How's the weather down there?" Came the clown's purr, glancing down at his nemesis, relishing those two solid inches and he couldn't help how incredibly wide his smile had gotten.

  
"That's not how that goes," Bruce growled in response, not able to recall the last time he was this close to the Joker out of his batsuit. Seconds later they separated, Mr.Wayne placing his glasses back on before smoothing his shirt down his chest.

"You need to eat," Bruce stated, ever quick to change the subject. He eyed the skinny man for a moment, regaining whatever microscopic amount of composure he had lost before returning to the console and bent over the keyboard, looking over the top of his glasses as he terminated the program tracking the Joker's progress via the vitals apparatus.

"I need to _bathe_." The Joker retorted, shoving the ICU monitor away. It rolled aimlessly towards the edge of the platform but not close enough to fall to whatever murky grave was below. It did, however, capture his attention and he followed after the rolling machine, the side of his mouth turning up as went to finish the job he'd started.

"Whoa!" The clown murmured as he grasped the thin neck of the machine that had made him look like a fool in front of Batman, finding that he was actually impressed at just how high up they were. This place was a total death trap! He loved it! But maybe a guard rail or something would be in order... How the hell did he have all of those damn Batkids running around this joint without toppling off the side?

"Whoa is right." Came the rumbled response from him, Bruce suddenly behind him, spinning the monitor away from the clown and it's impending doom, his other arm coming to grasp the back of the Joker's shirt, pulling the startled man away back to a safer position.

  
Practically trying to scramble onto of the other, the Joker clung to it the billionaire for a panicked moment and took all of Bruce's control not to close his eyes and squeeze the man closer. He loathed himself for feeling like this, for hating something so much that he desired it. He hated himself for being so desperately happy that the Joker was alive... that he was here, knowing what Hell the clown had caused for countless people. He was so selfishly grateful but naturally, expected the worst-- so they parted just as quickly and the blue-eyed man smirked as he smoothed his dress shirt for the second time.

"You're right, you DO need to bathe..."

"Ha _Haaaaa_..." The clown exhaled, trying to breathe at the other man. "So, this is THE Batcave, eh? Pretty capacious..." The green haired man murmured with a leer, arms folding across his chest.

Bruce's face shifted into another almost irritated 'do I really need to say it' face and he looked up gesturing silently at the hundreds of bats that were perched and hanging upside-down above them.

"Oh. Yeah. Them, this place has gotta be a BITCH to clean!" He balked, suddenly looking cautiously around for bat shit before he whipped his head back to the (ha!) shorter man and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

"--and do you have to put your Bat-logo on _EVERYTHING_?" The Joker asked in a balk, raising his hands up in a 'what gives' gesture.

  
"Do you need to make everything purple and green?" Bruce arched a brow as he tipped his head towards the clown.

"Touché, Batsy, two-shay!" Came the laughed response and the Joker shrugged as he looked around the vast space.

"So, when do I get the grand tour, Bats?"

"Bruce." He corrected, clearing his throat as he caught the Joker's gaze.

"Okaaay.... _Bruuuuuuce..._ "

  
That made the billionaire's nose scrunch up a little and he stifled as much of a wince as he could. That would take some getting used to.

"Better. And that is up to how you are feeling..." 'How long you are willing to stay' He wanted to add, but didn't. Not being behind his cowl was a little irksome but Bruce had a lot of training with keeping himself in check as "Bruce", rather than his more preferred persona.

The Joker folded his arms behind his back as innocently as he could, eyebrows raised as he rocked back on his heels a bit.

"This place is like a museum..." The clown mused, squinting to look at the various other platforms. He saw what couldn't be his giant penny perched on one of the others and beamed-- it WAS!!! And it looked like there were a BUNCH of his old toys and gags; though it became clear that the room that he had stepped out of was not typical of the decor of the cave. "And I'm fine, I'm fine!" He chided with a wave of his hand, his grin going wider as he spun on one foot and did a simple tumble forwards into a handspring, landing quietly with a flourish and a 'ta-daaaa'.

Not wanting to appear amused at all but unable to help his eyes widening a fraction, Bruce tipped his head to the side.

"Par for the course, then." He murmured, shaking his head as he exhaled another sigh. Always had to be a show-off...

"I'm feeling good, Bats! Got any more of that stuff?" The Joker chirped, rubbing his hands together.

"In the lab. I have more synthesized just in case you were planning on doing something like spreading your infected blood to the area hospitals in Gotham and Bludhaven..." Bruce rumbled, now unable to keep the smirk from his lips as he watched the Joker's eyes widen, then narrow with accusation.

" **OH, YOU ARE NO FUN**!" The Joker snapped, stomping a foot on the ground as he balled his hands at his sides. " _Though I was supposed to be dead, so maybe, this is for the better..._ " He murmured out of the side of his mouth, considering the alternatives, then eyed the unmasked Batman for a long moment. " _Maybe_."

"That, I have also been told," Bruce smirked at that, running a hand through his hair unconsciously and the clown balked.

  
" _Stop it._ "

His smirk nearly bordered on a smile and Gotham's Most Eligible Bat-chelor shook his head a bit; he couldn't help his Wayne charm-- if Bruce were coyer, he would have said 'Sue me', but the Joker probably couldn't handle that right now.

"So, you said something about feeding me? Jello and fish sticks, but could you put the fish sticks _inside_ of the jello? It's so much more rewarding that way." The clown said with a few innocent blinks to punctuate the nonsense spewing from his mouth.

"Any allergies?"

"No, but I hate and I'm talking _murder-grade_ hate," The Joker said flatly "Brussel sprouts. So unless we are going to throw down and neither of us is dressed for that," He murmured, putting up his dukes. "None of those." And eyed the bespectacled Bat. " _Please_."

Where did **THAT** come from?

Maybe it was because they were in some kind of 'neutral' territory (hardly.)... The Clown was not gussied and the Batman was technically not here... Ha! And Harvey thought he had a split personality problem. He was just a jerk! This whole Bruce is Batman, Batman is Bruce Wayne thing was a pretty big deal!

He was rewarded with the very faintest of a smile and the Joker felt his knees go a little wobbly for real this time-- that was a little too much to look at right now. What the fuck was going on here. That was as close to seeing Batman smile as he was going to get for now, if not ever. Was he actually dead and this was all some gross hallucination of the last of his endorphins firing off? He felt a flare of sudden anger at how vulnerable he felt, shoulders tensing a little as he stared at the other and then, it was gone with his exhale as Bruce continued to speak.

  
"If you head back to the room that you woke up in, there is a shower in the lavatory that you can make good use of..." Bruce trailed off. He pressed his lips together and then nodded as if responding to a question unasked. "I'll be back in a few minutes... I'm trusting you, Joker. There is no way out of here unless you plan on throwing yourself off of one of the platforms and please don't. I went to a lot of trouble to get you here in one piece." He rumbled, watching the variety of expressions cross the clown's face.

The billionaire moved around the man and the Joker tensed back up again as the broad figure bent down to pick up the broken toothbrush that had been dropped earlier.

"How far did you think you were going to get with _this_?" The just very slightly shorter man rumbled, his voice taking on a bit of that Batman edge from where he stood behind the clown. Bruce had been very careful not to use his name, not to say "Joker", not to trigger anything that could start their conflict back up prematurely. Right now they both were treading on new ground, it wasn't quite neutral in the Bat Cave, but it certainly wasn't the foyer of a bank, the crevice between two buildings or a moonlit rooftop... yet.

"Ehh, better be prepared, my mother always said!" The clown replied while waggling a finger back and forth in the other's face as he whirled around. He took a step back and was spun around once again to face forward, another bit of dance before Bruce stepped away.

"Are we good?"

"Yesss." The Joker murmured sheepishly, regaining his bearings and finding himself transfixed by that stupid, handsome face; and suddenly he blurted "Why?"

"What?"

"Why... are you doing this?" He grumbled, waving both hands around emphatically.  
Bruce locked eyes with him for a moment before locating and readjusting his grip on the ICU machine then looking to the medical bay he was guiding it back to.

"Because... I need you." Was all he murmured, leaving the Joker standing by himself in the light blue scrubs, for once at a lack of retort. The sound of those three words roared through his ears and the green haired man let out a noise he would have argued was impossible to have ever come from him. Irritated and astounded. It hit like a punch to the stomach and the mouth at the same time, a hot weight on his lower abdomen and a pressure he couldn't recall feeling in about a year... This was what desire felt like.

_Hell yes, it was._

A few more moments passed before the clown shook himself from the spot with the remembered notion of getting a shower. This guy was good. Hell, he wasn't even sure what that meant-- most likely some clinical, elusive, Batman bullshit... but it sure sounded pretty alluring.

  
-=-


	3. Felt So Flushed Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little out of hand. In hand?

-=-

This shower was one he would store in his memory for as long as his warped brain could.

There was enough hot water to turn his skin pink and it did and he laughed like a pleased banshee, nearly exhausting whatever resource was providing such luxury. (As if, this was technically Wayne Manor) The Joker stayed in the shower until he was sure that Batman would have come and gone and maybe come again; heck, he stayed in until he felt himself give into the deliciously guilty pleasure of fondling himself beneath the water.

This certainly wasn't the first (nor would it be the last) time that the clown had found himself overwhelmed with his big, broad buffoon. Batman was Bruce Wayne? Being able to see the man behind the mask-- even though he wouldn't entirely believe it until he actually saw it with his own eyes-- was still enough to send heat to his loins, make his lower abdomen tense as a thousand prospects entered his mind. Wasn't Bruce Wayne kind of a slut? Ooof... did that mean Batman was off, fucking a ton of other people and perhaps even getting banged?

The mere thought filled the clown with an equal combination of rage and lust.

**NO ONE COULD TOUCH HIS BAT!!!!!!**

The Joker ground his teeth together, jaw tense with anger as his hand curled around his well-thickened cock. _That_ made him instantly relax, a smile now sliding onto his lips as he pressed his forehead against the black tile of the wall, slowly but firmly jerking himself off. He hadn't been well enough to do this in months despite his regular pining over how much his arch had been neglecting him. He'd been so angry, furious... hurt... betrayed... more foolish and horrible feelings than he'd allowed himself to fully comprehend... until Arkham. Sure, there had been a bit of contention between them over the whole _Jason_ thing... but Jace was _fine_ (and he would probably have to do some explaining about that whole debacle...) and there was no need to be so... _cold_. Unless he had a _cold, cold heart_... But it apparently wasn't quite like that, now was it.

"Mmhnn... You _need_ me, ey Bats?" He growled to himself, thrusting his hips into his fist as his other hand braced against the tile. The Joker blinked up at the light fixture in the middle of the shower and his eyelids lowered as an amused smile spread across his lips. Part of him figured that there was a good chance that there was some kind of Bat-camera in here somewhere... and that really only egged him on.

The other part didn't care.

Oh Bats, OH _BRUCE!_ How fucking exciting!!! The same exhiliration that came with reminiscing about every time Batman had curled a hand around his throat-- oh yesss, or made him taste his own blood... Oh, or the time's he'd been shoved between a Bat and a hard place...

Another helpless moan left the tall man's mouth and he hunched forward, letting out a sigh as his forehead fell back to the black tile of the shower, the clown letting himself get rightfully overwhelmed at the thought of what 'I need you' meant.

"Hnnngh...You have no _idea_..." The Joker growled, head suddenly thrown back, eyes slitted at the light fixture as he ground his cock against the cold tile and writhed whilst he ejaculated. He kept his gaze at the bright white light until he could only see spots, the clown grinning a wide, nasty, satisfied grin, just in case, then slumped a bit gracelessly against the wall. This whole thing was absurd and incredible...

It made him break into a maniacal laugh throughout the remainder of his shower; his low, husky, post-masturbatory laugh/pant with a cackle from deep in his gut and didn't stop laughing until he finally wrapped himself in the provided towels. He paused, yet again in front of the fogged up mirror, the naked man grinning as he drew a heart into the condensation and wrote "Mr J + Bats" in the middle of it. This, naturally, caused another wave of tittered laughter, the clown sighing as he waltzed out of the lavatory with a towel slung low around his waist.

He felt invigorated. Like he'd just done a ton of Crane-grade knock-off speed to keep him awake... except none of that ( _and it's not like it worked on him anyway_ ). Just this bizarre and wonderful energy that came with being near Batman. Hell... he was getting what he wanted, wasn't he-- and would you look at that!

Rewarded with a set of dark purple sweatpants with matching sweatshirt and a glorious electric green tank top perched on the end of the now made bed. The clown couldn't be bothered to stifle the giggles that were returning, certain that he was dead and this was all some perverse nightmare that his brain was torturing him with. There were nice little black slippers with big gray 'W's on them but noting that the goddamned floor in this place seemed to be friggin' *heated*, he opted against them.

Wet hair and bare feet, the Joker walked out of the room with the sweatshirt tied around his waist, arms folded behind his head as he looked around.

"Oh Brucieeee...? Where are yooooou?" The Joker sang, looking around the vast space but not seeing any sign of the Bat.

-=-

An elevator door chimed somewhere and the clown whirled around but saw nothing, until the dark head of Bruce Wayne climbing a short set of stairs while holding a platter with a large silver dome on it.

"You're a butler too?"

Bruce smirked at that, tipping his head down. His glasses were gone again and he was wearing a whole new set of clothing-- a dark gray button-down and charcoal colored wool slacks. Damn, what a dapper man. The Joker studied the face of the approaching Bat, not even noticing the small, rectangular table that had been placed not far from his room's door.

"Looks that way." He replied as he set the platter down and removed the top. Lobster Thermidor. (It was Bruce's favorite.)

An actual butler had apparently been following the billionaire, his nose held up as he set an identical platter down with an identical meal, while setting down another platter of wine glasses and a carafe of, great, water. Ehh... maybe it was vodka?

Again, the Joker hadn't noticed the two chairs that had been perched on either side of the table and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding with a 'hoo boyyy...' as the bald butler took both shiny silver lids with his deadpanned, frowny face and disappeared from whence he came.

"Bee in his bonnet?" The Joker murmured, watching Bruce pull out what apparently was his chair before sitting down himself.

"He's British." Was all the Bat replied, a little bit of a smart-assed smirk on his face and sat after the Joker folded himself into the seat and responded with a loud "HA!!!"

Lobster and artichokes and scalloped potatoes and the Joker was 91% silent as he inhaled the meal, pausing only to drink out of a wine glass filled with actual water, which Bruce had kindly filled for them.

The billionaire watched the other man and ate, careful not to stare noticeably and he felt as much in control of the situation as he possibly could. The Joker was still a human, he was still a person, he still was a man. He swallowed thickly, a guilty heat rising up his neck as he briefly thought of the clown's time in the shower. _Definitely_ a man. There was no audio on the cameras set throughout the modular room but the visuals were quite enough... They weren't the most state-of-the-art cameras in the world and they hadn't been installed to catch the activity they had-- they were intended to be more of a precaution. Not this... voyeuristic thing they had suddenly become.

Once the Joker had left, he had returned to the console, settling into his chair and narrowing his eyes at the screens above. He should have gotten up and left as soon as he saw the man step in the godforsaken shower. But he _knew_ that the Joker was going to be getting in there. He _told_ him to.

Letting out his held breath, the billionaire swallowed as he steadied himself, shifting back in his seat as his legs spread and he watched his adversary like a goddamn pervert. Bruce stared as the man's body arched and bowed. It was like watching him when they fought, except... much less clothing. He gasped when the clown looked directly up at the camera-- knew that it wasn't obvious-- none of them were. He'd made sure himself... But the Joker still stared, his eyes lidded, mouth open, hair plastered to the side of his face and he fucking _grinned_.

Shame filled Bruce Wayne as he felt his dick hot against his inner thigh, straining against his slacks. What the _fuck_ was wrong with him... He knew _exactly_ what was wrong.

This. This was what was wrong and he couldn't manage to find the inner strength to tear himself away from the screen as the Joker began to shudder and grind himself into the tile. It was too much... and though from the place the cam had been mounted in the overhead light in the shower, there wasn't _too_ _much_ he could see, what he had was certainly... enough. The way the Joker had clutched at the wall as he pleasured himself, the way his back tensed, his throat flexed while he shuddered as he climaxed. This would be burned in his brain forever.

Bruce cleared his throat, swallowing the last of his lobster and rolled his head from side to side, neck audibly cracking, then took a sip of his water to find the Joker watching him back just as intently.

"Hm." The clown murmured with a grin as he dabbed his mouth with the napkin he had all but forgotten about. The majority of the vegetables presented to him had been pushed away and sat back in his chair, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles beneath the table. He was languid, lanky and relaxed. It made Bruce feel a little tense reflexively.

"So, what am I, your hostage now?" The Joker murmured, shifting back in his chair and folding his white hands over his full belly.  
That earned a little bit of a surprised snort from the billionaire, Bruce setting down his flatware -- only forks for now-- on his plate and glanced at the other.

"Technically..? Yes." He admitted, biting his tongue as a look of unreserved shock spilled over the Joker's face.

" _Seriously_."

  
"Well, I'm not really inclined to let you go just yet."

  
That caused the Joker's eyebrows to raise considerably and a truly genuine grin to spread across his pale, pink lips.

"Ohhoho, oh yeah?" He breathed, caught off guard just a little bit and boy, if he could blush, he would be doing just that at the look his nemesis was giving him. Just a little bit of that Bruce Wayne grin and he was damned. Imagine if Batman had ever looked at him like that. Maybe absence really did make the heart grow fonder... or clinically insane. Either or.

  
"We have to make sure there is no chance of remission... Get you back to as healthy as you can be..." Bruce sighed. This was hard. "Look, I know this is different for us, do you want me to get the mask on?" He blurted, surprising himself as he stared across the table at his most loathed adversary.

  
The Joker rocked back in his chair with a squeal and the legs of his chair nearly slid out from under him, almost flipping him over and losing all semblance of grace as he had to clutch the corners of the table to keep from falling over. When he had stabilized himself, he cleared his throat and folded his hands daintily on the table.

"Just the mask or the whole suit...?" He purred, tipping his head to the side as he volleyed back to the bigger man.

"You're not ready for that yet," Bruce replied, now fully smirking as he sat back in the chair and then finally stood, beckoning the Joker to follow him with a curled finger as he made his way over to the Bat-Computer console.

"The hell I'm not!" He sulked, but followed, each step a little stomp, his bare feet slapping on the floor. Bruce had pulled a backless swivel chair from somewhere under the console and spun it towards the approaching man as he sat down and began to punch in a series of passwords.

Clearing his throat, the Batman shifted in his seat, sitting up a little straighter and putting his glasses back on.  
"...GCPD is under the impression that you are deceased..." He started, glancing over at the other man.

"Well, that's not so bad..." The Joker murmured as he sat down, steadying himself with the edge of the console and blinking up at the screens... He wasn't sure which one to look at, so took a chance on whichever caught his immediate attention.

"As is Harleen... "

" _Ehh..._ "

  
"...and well, perhaps a greater portion of the Rogue's Gallery..." Bruce admitted, eyes steady and locked on the screen. "I haven't particularly been making many appearances since Protocol 11 went down..."

"Oh, Batsy! Why ever do you need to go out _there_ when I'm right here?" The Joker sing-songed, leaning his shoulder against a much broader one. When Bruce didn't respond or push him away, he recoiled on his own, a brow arching in question.

"Gordon also assumes that I have absconded with your body." He finally murmured, eyes closing for a moment. That was a whole fucking mess. He wasn't truly able to avoid Barbara but he was able to deter her from pressing about what was happening to the clown. She had already gotten confirmation that he wasn't quite dead, but that was all... Bruce needed to get things situated here with the Joker before anything else could get organized.

"Oohoooohohoooo... now that is creepy! Probably gets those vampire Batman rumors flaring up like a great big Bat hemorrhoid all over again..." The Joker tittered with a finger wiggle, looking at the debonair man with some side-eye.

Bruce shifted, mouth curling up a little in disgust. Always had to be so... descriptive. He turned to face the other man, their knees brushing for a moment before he scooted the fraction back that they needed to be separated.

"I consulted with Poison Ivy in synthesizing a cure for you, those infected by your blood and myself..." He murmured.

"How'd it feel, having me wiggling around inside?" The Joker teased, leaning forward in his seat, trying to reclaim some of Bruce's personal space as his hands clasped together under his pointy chin.

He was answered with a growl and let out a sharp, nervous-sounding laugh, leaning back quickly.

"Ehh... So, Ivy. _So_ what?"

" _So_ , she is now on the outside of Arkham City, assumably at the Botanical Gardens in Miagani and the prison city has since been shut down. Apologies, I realize the Steel Mill was prime real estate." Batman deadpanned and it took the Joker a second to realize that it was a joke.

"Oh, ha-HA! Yeah, I'll be losing sleep over that boiling hell hole..." He murmured, swiveling in the seat to spin around for a full revolution before he stopped himself with his feet. "Let's get onto more important matters-- so you're really Batman, huh?"

"Yes." The billionaire smirked at that.

"And you've been Batman-ing this whole time? Leading a double life?" The Joker asked with the excitement building in his voice.

"Yes and yes." Eyes flicking over the Joker's animated face.

"Do you remember the night we met?" He asked suddenly, grinning widely as he studied the Bat's face right back. "The *real* night." The Joker murmured, right eyebrow arching high as he waited.

"You're talking about that Tuesday night in October, right before Halloween at ACE or Axis, it was during the buyout... That rainy night with the Red Hood?" Bruce rumbled, nostrils flaring as he inhaled sharply through his nose "Two years before the Christmas eve hit you put out on me as Black Mask?"

"You _DO_ remember..." The Joker purred, leaning back against the console and grinning until his eyes almost shut.

"--That night I couldn't save you as you slipped between my fingers into those chemicals? That night, when I met the Joker for the first time?" Bruce continued voice a low, husky rumble.

His attention was called to the screens but he couldn't look away from the other man, watching the smugness begin to uncrease from his face and his eyes begin to widen.

"It will be our eighteenth Christmas in two days." The Batman murmured, taking another deep breath through his nose as the languid man stared at him. This stupid, foolish, crazy, selfish, childish, needy, attention seeking clown was so far under his skin, was so deep in his heart and it was well beyond overwhelming... this was the real illness. It had become so much more than wanting to get the Joker. He _needed_ the Joker. He was _obsessed_ with the Joker... and he was okay with that, he had come to terms with how consumed with the madman he was-- in a way, the Joker had won, whether he knew it or not.

For the second time too short of a span, the Joker was startled into silence; realizing that he was being studied in response. He felt like he was being consumed by that dark stare and the corner of his mouth turned up in a tight smirk as he felt goosebumps rising on his bare arms.

"Keeping the calendar marked, I see..." The clown murmured, licking his bottom lip and holding it between his teeth for a little too long. Bruce watched, nostrils flaring again and cleared his throat, turning back to the monitors.

"Yeah, I'm a real Julian Day."

The Joker's brows rose and again, he was taken back by the... joke? Joke. The joke that Batman had just uttered.

"Oooh, I like this..." He purred, pawing his hand and wiggling his fingers at the bespectacled bat. "This sassy, Bruce wit."

"Must be the company." Wayne murmured with a bit more of a smile on his lips, laying down a few more keystrokes before pushing away from the Bat-Computer.

"I am not actually going to keep you here against your will." Bruce began, tilting his head as he glanced at the clown.

"What, you don't want to keep me now?" The Joker mock-sulked, fluttering his eyelashes at the other man.

A low noise, sort of like a growl but with a bit of depth and dimension that the clown had not yet been exposed to left the Batman and it made the green haired man shiver. _Need_ , that sound was _need_. Bruce would keep him if he could; that was a gross understatement.

"I didn't say that." Bruce countered, tipping his head to beckon the man to follow him. "I have something to show you..." He murmured and appeared to be leading the way back to the room the Joker had assumed was his for the time being.

  
"Ohohohoh, can I guess?" The Joker giggled, clasping his hands together as the sound went low and lascivious. "When you get changed into the Batsuit, do you keep the Batmanties on or what?"

"I'm not getting in the suit right now. You need to be in better physical condition." Bruce said firmly, his jaw tensing for a moment. He knew that if he got into the suit, that things would come to a head very, very quickly... and everything needed to be perfect. "And it depends on the weather... and my mood..." He added, trailing off.

The Joker tipped his head to the side, inhaling sharply with a whistle as he followed the Bat back into the bedroom and resisted the urge to throw himself down on the bed and make it wonderfully awkward.

"Any reason you didn't leave me any understuffs, Bats?" The Joker asked with a nasty grin, getting on the edge of the bed and sitting with his legs crossed beneath him.

Bruce shrugged and went to the wall across from the bathroom door, a subtle seam now irritatingly obvious to the Joker. This guy sure was an 'in plain sight' sorta guy, he'd had to keep reminding himself of that. Pressing in on the middle of the panel, it popped in and slid into itself, exposing a long length of closet, well stocked with purple and green.

Instantly, the clown sprung up, pushing past the broad man, his eyes wide with shock.

" _You didn't._ "

  
"Well, I didn't. My tailor did." Bruce shrugged.

"I haven't seen this in YEARS!!!" The Joker screamed, ripping a dark purple coat from the closet; a groan leaving him as he noted the coat tails, the matching vest. The emerald silk shirt that was tucked inside. "How did you do this?" The man asked with the purest amount of sincerity that Bruce had yet heard. The tone, in fact, had shocked him almost as much as the Joker was to find dozens of replicas of suits well since destroyed.

"Ah..." He blinked at the other, regaining his bearings. "I have people who are good with outfits." Bruce murmured, barely managing to keep the full-blown smile from his lips.  
This had been a weird hobby of his; refabricating the frankly staggering ensembles that the Joker had concocted for himself. Parts of vests, ties, cufflinks recovered, a shoe here and there. For years, he had gone to the scenes of their battles and collected evidence. Sure, that evidence may have been scraps of spats, gloves and ribbons-- but it was evidence none the less.

Batman had the suits tailored and added to his Rogue's collection, not that he'd added the same attention to detail to his other antagonists... Besides, it wasn't as if he didn't have more types of Batsuits than he knew what to do with himself. Though, he had never really supposed that he'd have the right opportunity to ever show the madman but-- here they were.

"I'll say...!" The Joker breathed, stunned at what he was looking at. Some of these were too hard to come by in the first place; to have an arsenal of outfits again was beyond thrilling. If he thought he could get away with it, he'd kiss this big idiot.. but for now, he took to rifling down the length into the space, a pleased sound leaving him as Bruce flicked on the the overhead light and carousel.

"Holy... moly..." Came the clown's exhale; not realizing how far down the wall the closet went. Still clutching the jacket in his arms, he rose a hand and let his fingers graze across the suits that rolled past him, glancing back over his shoulder at the smug mug on Bruce Wayne's lips. This was probably how this guy got laid, doing amazing, over the top crap like this...

"You must _really_ hate me..." The Joker purred, studying the other man's face.

"Like you have no idea." Batman rumbled, the moment stretching between them before the flashes of purple and green that were cycling around in the closet got the better of Joker's attention. "Maybe tomorrow... you'll be feeling better."

And with that, Bruce brushed by the man, feeling his resolve beginning to crumble as the gravity of the situation started to hit him. He needed to get out of here, before he threw the other man down on the bed and-- he left, the door clicking shut behind him as he all but fled the Joker's room and let him be on his own to get re-acquainted with some of his lost material items.

This particular action had left the Joker rather disgruntled, letting out another heavy breath he didn't realize he was holding in something of his own kind of growl. That was awfully Batman of him... But again... the distraction of assembling the perfect outfit was intoxicating and the clown couldn't help the little giggle that left his lips. He'd sort something perfect. Oooh, this was like Pretty Woman! Except he wasn't a whore and Batman probably didn't have any gerbils up his ass... _yet_.

-=-


	4. Before The Curtain Call (Make sure ya try and slay 'em all!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Joker is finally only mere hours away from a long-awaited confrontation with Batman but not after his first interactions with Mr.Pennyworth.

-=-

  
The fork, that the clown had tucked between the tied sweatshirt and his hip was forgotten until he sleepily dragged himself and seventeen or so of the outfits he'd narrowed it down to, to bed.

Flinging the offending utensil with a curse, the man crawled as close to the pillows as he could, but the whole bed really was softer than anything he could recall sleeping on in a looooong time and just barely missed his head hitting a probably too expensive pillow before he passed out from fashion exhaustion.

-=-

When the Joker woke, he found the severalteen outfits that he'd accumulated had been hung on subtle hooks around the perimeter of the room, save for the closet door that was still open. There was a platter with a few pieces of fruit, half a baguette ( _really?_ ) and a bottle of water. Damn, no fork. There was also a folded card with a 'J' printed on it.

Unable to resist the mystery of it, the sleepy fool soon flipped open and an ear bud-sized ear piece tumbled out.

_'Put this in your right ear before you leave. -B'_

The Joker's brows rose at this, glee slowly seeping into his expression as he realized what the implications were. So _THIS_ was why he wanted to make sure he was feeling 'better'...

He was going to get to see Batman... _finally_.

Well, as soon as he got his shit together. Standing to tear off the tank top he'd slept in, the clown paused as there was a light knock at the door and the stuffy British bloke from earlier let himself in.

"Well, cheerio there, old chap!" The Joker said with a two-fingered salute, turning his attention away from the help to continue to disrobe.

Alfred's expression went flat and stifled a grimace, staring at the green haired man for too long of a moment. Then he cleared his throat and shook himself out of his prior state.

"Master Wayne has departed for the day to take care of some business matters... He wishes that you make it a point to rendezvous at or near Wayne Enterprises at your earliest convenience." The words left Alfred tersely but he obliged his ward and employer, putting his faith and trust in Bruce's sensibilities and ability to judge another person. He still wasn't quite sure how much of a person this cretin was...

"Oh yeah?" The Joker was about to carry on before a black wallet was presented to him. "What's this?"

Stifling an eye-roll, Alfred folded his hands behind his back once again.

"It appears to be a wallet."

"Oh, Ha- _ha_." The lanky fool deadpanned as he glanced flatly at the butler. He liked this guy!

Flipping said rectangle of leather open, the clown's eyebrows rose, eyelids lowering as he looked at the stack of cash in there and then politely closed the wallet and slid it somewhere into his sweatpants.

"Good show, good show." He murmured, grinning as he could feel the waves of annoyance radiate from the older man.  
"I will leave you with this," Alfred said suddenly, face familiarly flat as he stared down the other. The Joker arched a brow, tipping his head to the side to look at the bald man. "I will tolerate your existence, permitting you indeed need him as much as he clearly needs _you_ ,"

The Clown's brows rose at that and a low laugh began to rumble from his chest.

"Look, _Mate_." The green-haired man began, hands smoothing the lapels of Alfred's jacket, grasping them suddenly, the words almost growling out of him. "If your Bat-boy needs me HALF as much as I need him, then-- " And was stopped by the old man's eyes rounding in surprise. "We're all tickety-boo!!" He finished with a laugh, hands miming an explosion before he smoothed the front of the help's jacket back in place.

Flopping back on the bed, the clown began to laugh until he was wheezing, all but ignoring the old man as his wheezes turned into deep breaths and the Joker endeavored to regain a little composure. " _Needs me..._ " He murmured and the laughter started again.

Alfred cleared his throat loudly, leaning over the recumbent man, sure to meet at least one eye.

"I will escort you through the manor and you may leave through the main door." The British man murmured, brushing away the invisible dust left by the Joker from his jacket before turning on his heel and leaving from whence he came.

The sound of his shoes clicking on the floor paced with how fast Mr. Pennyworth's heart was pounding. It appeared that Master Bruce was right after all. Perhaps he didn't know how right he was.

There was no real way to leave the Bat Cave without using some kind of vehicle and it made the butler beyond uneasy to have to toddle the madman through the manor.

What was stopping him from destroying all of this? Why wasn't the clown trying to kill him? Kill Bruce? Why was he being so...

Alfred shuddered, sighing through his nose as he pressed his lips harder together, not wanting to think about this anymore. But he could no longer sit by and watch Bruce torture himself. If this was what he needed then he wouldn't hinder the progress... After all, when Bruce was at peace, so was he but he didn't have to like WHY. In fact... he didn't like a lot of what Bruce did OR the reasons why...

But.. perhaps this Christmas this meant he could have Master Bruce home for once...

-=-

With most of the fruit, bread, and water consumed, the Joker had put a few more hours into picking out just the right ensemble, though no matter how dapper he looked, he was missing the smoke around his eyes and the rouge on his lips. Good thing Daddy Waynebucks decided to gift him this great big wad of money.

  
First things first, the clown sat back in Bruce's big Bat-chair, spinning it around until he fell out of it. 

  
Then did it again and again.

Then poked around every place he could reach in the massive cave; whistling a few times "Great acoustics!", trying the newly installed doors, trying to get into the 12-screened computer with very little luck. He wandered to the Rogues Gallery and was completely transfixed by what he found... What a collection!!! The Giant Penny! The Robot T-Rex! Hell, there was even the Massive Joker playing card with his mug plastered across it! Boy, if there had been any doubt in his mind that the Bat didn't care for him, it was surely erased. Perhaps, he cared too much. _Naaaaah.._. The Joker could stand to have as much attention his billionaire could spare him.

He was _owed_ it.

Heading back to his 'room' or so he was considering it now, the madman spent another hour in the shower before finalizing his outfit. Dark purple pants with lavender diamonds with a vest that matched over a silk goldenrod shirt. Cufflinks were ones that he was furious that he'd lost, little silver crescents that had white enameled smiles on them. A pocket watch with a mother of pearl backing and a lovely chain to attach that thick wallet to.

Oh... With every article he pulled on, he felt more like himself. His green and purple argyle socks matched the long, wide tie he'd put on, noting that there were far more long ties than there were bow ties.

' _Wonder why..._ ' The clown thought with a smirk, having a weensie bit of an inclination. But... save that for later.

And yes, there had been several pairs of briefs to go along with the various pairs of socks yet the ones that the Joker had slid on with a cackle were the black pair with the subtle Bat insignia over the left hip. They fit just right.

The second to last item was the long, thick purple coat with the twenty-plus pockets and the double-lining of a repeating suit of cards pattern... it had long coattails that went down the back of his knees, he LOVED this coat! Giving the cloth one last pet, the clown pulled on a truly gorgeous pair of shiny black shoes and his favorite accessory ever, brilliant white spatterdashes that buttoned up the inside of his ankle with brilliant emerald buttons. Oh, the attention to detail that Bats put in was truly ghastly. 

Finally, a felt fedora that matched the darkest purple of his coat and had a lime green ribbon with a tight bow on the left side was the icing on his cake. This was all too damn good! Sitting back on the bed with the coat and hat beside him, the clown placed the bud in his right ear and cocked his head to the side.

"Helllllooooooo? Can you hear me, Bats?"  
"No." Came the tart response. Bruce was sitting in a meeting and it was 4:25 PM. This thing should be well finished and he should be getting ready.

Flopping back to the mattress with a laugh, the clown folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

"Ya miss me?"

Bruce really couldn't talk. He'd barely managed to get the 'no' out his mouth without drawing too much attention to himself and throwing this asinine meeting into another 40 minutes of dialogue...

It also wasn't entirely noticeable that he'd had an earpiece in at all, so explaining why he was talking out of turn wasn't something he really wanted to deal with. There was a lot more on his mind.

"Hn..." He grunted an ambiguous noise. He wanted to say 'not now' but no chance.  
"Oh I see, the silent treatment, again?!" The Joker screeched. "ARE YOU WITH THE CAT!" And it was loud enough for Bruce to have to force a cough in order to keep anyone from the board room table from hearing. This time, however, it was followed by peals of laughter, the clown wiggling back into the mattress as his hands went to rest on his vest. One finger curled around the chain of the pocket watch idly and he sighed happily with self-satisfaction. Or well... he could be.

"Bet you can't wait to see what I'm wearing..." He teased, picturing the flat frown that was likely creasing Bruce's face. The grinning man could barely make out the monotone of another voice and let out another tittered laugh. " _Mmhhh_... I can't wait to see what _you're_ wearing either..." The Joker purred, voice thick and he thought about rubbing his cock a bit while messing with Bruce and bit his lip and another roar of laughter left him. Ooh, what Bruce didn't know could hurt him, but not necessarily this time. 

"Mhmmhahaha... Be seeing you soon... Bats..."

The businessman made a guttural sound at that, a growl or a something close to clearing his throat and the Joker began to cackle as he heard the sound of hands slapping onto a table top. "I call this meeting adjourned," Bruce said suddenly. "It's almost five."

And like that, the several other men along the table silently stood and filed from the massive office.

Shit, he should have done that earlier... Waiting until he was alone, Bruce ran both hands through his hair and let out a sigh.

"You can count on it, _Joker_." Bruce rumbled in his Batman voice, eyes squeezed shut as he focused on listening to the other man.

The gasp and the purr of a laugh was worth waiting this long to have said the clown's name... his only regret was that he was unable to see the look on his foolish face...

-=-

NOW there was a real spring in his step and the clown hustled himself out of the room but not before pocketing a pair of bright white gloves. He had loot, he had the suit, all he needed now was to get the hell out of here and pick up a few essentials. A few knives, some flowers for sure, lipstick naturally... Oooh, the real trick would be getting around Gotham without doing his second favorite thing in the world (the first being, naturally, to screw with Batman) which was causing a great big, obvious, obnoxious scene.

He thankfully had several safe houses all over the damn place, so laying low wouldn't be too much of an issue. What would be the other struggle would be staying far enough under the radar while trying not to get to where Batman was as fast as he possibly could.

-=-

The Joker ended up at the stairs that he'd seen Bruce come from and craned his head up the staircase until he noted an elevator just a few steps away.

"Ah, what the hell..." He murmured aloud and entered the small, mirrored box. Not bad. This too only had one button which he assumed took him up to the mansion. Oh yes! How could he have forgotten that above all of that Bat-themed-ness was a freaking MANOR.

A cackle left him and was abruptly cut off as the doors of the elevator dinged open and the clown found himself face to face with the help.

"So, we meet again! Ya miss me?" The Joker chimed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He pulled out the pair of white gloves and pulled them diligently on as he eyed the old man.

"Oh, unimaginably so." Alfred deadpanned, waiting for the elevator door to shut before leading the other man through the long marbled foyer of the manor. The Joker laughed, shaking his head as he hooted at the other. Not bad, pretty sharp for an old buzzard.

"Pretty swanky, ey Manservant?"

"Alfred." The 'manservant' retorted, an eyebrow raised as he looked at the taller man via his periphery.

"Can I call you Al?" The clown didn't wait for a response, laughing at his own joke. "Alright, Alfie, what now? Big Master Bat Boss give you any more orders to pass on to little ole' me?"

Alfred paused by the massive double front doors, allowing himself a good old fashioned eye roll while glancing at the tall clown and sighing through his nose. Opening the doors, he waited for the Joker to step out; watching as the green haired cretin craned his head around into the darkness of the evening. It was brisk but it wasn't snowing--- not yet. The sky felt pregnant with precipitation but none yet. The light pollution from Gotham made the sky in the distance over the heart of the city look vermillion.

Oh, tonight was gonna be _good_.

"What now?"

The butler looked down at the idling limousine down the stairs of the front door and raised both eyebrows as the Joker noticed and clapped his hands together.

"A girl could get used to this!" He chimed, laughing as he skipped down the stairs and practically dove into the back of the vehicle.  
Alfred shook his head and inwardly groaned. This was terrible. This loathsome murderer was flippantly... flopping all around, getting ready to do the same dreadful dance he'd been doing with Master Bruce for far too long... It made him want to cringe and the over-protective part of him was inclined to drive the limousine off of the side of a bridge... but seeing Bruce show any kind of emotion other than depression would be worth any associated risks.

The Joker had been well monitored these past few weeks, something Bruce had dedicated himself to and the clown wasn't showing too many signs of boredom just yet.

Sliding into the driver's seat of the car, Alfred adjusted the rear-view mirror to look back at the vehicle's inhabitant. Surely, Joker could have found something to use as a weapon and attack him, but the older man felt no pangs of instinctual anxiety... More annoyance than fear.

"Where to?" Alfred murmured, so far managing to stifle the urge to say 'sir' thus far. He hadn't earned that yet.

"Oh, you can call me Daisy, darlin'!" The man laughed, folding his arms back behind his head. " _No_ , you can take me to 23rd and 10th in the Kingston District." He murmured, getting down to business.

There were a few haunts he could sneak into before this apparent Christmas Eve was through-- plus the architecture of that part of Gotham would be beneficial for him staying under any radar but the mall was first.

"Right then." Was all Alfred replied before he re-adjusted the mirror and set off from the part of the island that Wayne Manor was perched upon.

Setting on the radio, the butler tuned into Gotham's WGCR-- classical music, somewhere in the middle of Rossini's La Gazza Ladra overture. The irony of it had Alfred smirking with one arched eyebrow as the Joker sat bolt-upright for a moment, one gloved hand to his chest. _How... could this possibly be?_ The clown sat back into his seat and began to emphatically conduct the music with both hands, eyes squeezed shut and a look of pure joy on his face.

"Keep this on, Alf!" The madman crooned, wishing desperately that he'd had a knife in hand, at very least to help with his conducting.

-=-

Meanwhile, as Bruce had finished wrapping up a short video chat with Lucius, he found that he was becoming careless with his actions, not being able to focus on what the other man was saying, not being careful enough to lock his office door before pulling off his necktie, feeling like he was intoxicated from having the Joker buzzing around softly in his ear for the last hour.

He closed his eyes and could hear the very faint classical music coming through the ear piece and he took a deep breath as he moved to the door of his balcony. Looming over the window, he pressed his forehead to the coolness of the glass, breath coming a little quicker than it should through his nostrils and fogging up the window.  
He needed this so badly he almost felt ill.  
Bruce needed to get in his Batsuit and get some fresh air before he had this confrontation with the Joker. Fortunately for him, he had however much time he needed-- the earpiece that the clown was equipped with had a GPS locator in it-- Bruce could find him whenever he wanted to. Perhaps he should have employed some kind of technology like this earlier in their clashes...

-=-

Finally, the limo had pulled up in front of the Ferris Mall and the Joker stirred from his reclined, relaxed position. Ah, this music soothed his savage beast. Well, it actually made him want to go on a stabbing spree, but eh!

"No need to see me out, unless these doors are child-locked..." The Joker murmured, pulling on the fedora that had been sitting on the seat next to him. Trying the handle and feeling it give way led the clown to letting a low chuckle from his lips. Fortunately for him and the rest of Gotham, it was dark and chilly and his jacket had a lovely collar that he flipped up as he stepped into the coldness of the night, effectively hiding his very familiar but technically 'naked' (and supposedly dead) face.  
"Bye Dad, I love you! I'll call you when the movie is over!!!" The tall fool chirped, slamming the door and leaning in to kiss the glass.

Alfred peeled away just as his lips scraped the window and the madman barked out a laugh. _Dammitall._ He had to get lipstick first.

"Now, let's get down to brass tacks..." The Joker purred, turning on his heel as he headed into the mall while tapping the earpiece that he'd almost forgotten about. "Are you in there yet, Bats?"

Bruce stood before the full-length mirror in his office, in the hidden closets (lots of hidden closets, how about that...) of his office he kept several uniforms and now found himself dressed in a more contemporary suit in all but his cape and cowl. In lieu of answer the clown, he plucked his own earbud from his right ear and brushed back his hair before setting his mask on and pulling it snugly into place. Now, he had Joker in stereo.

Unable to help his little preen, Bruce smirked a bit, inhaling through his nose before he adjusted his tone of voice just a tad bit lower...

"Where are you." He rumbled, watching his mouth move in the mirror but always feeling like he was surprising himself with his identity when he de-masked. How on this bizarre, alien-inhabited, mutant-creating, dimensional wall breaking Earth could boring, depressed Bruce Wayne be Batman?

"Lacey's, getting my effects." The Joker purred dramatically. In fact, he was already dumping all of the L'Oreal Eternal Black eyeshadow from its display and had cleaned out the Ravishing Red lipstick-- See, he was the type of guy who, once he found something he liked, he hoarded it. Mmm.. much like the Batman. "Say, instead of leaving me in this radio silence, do me the favor of putting some of that juicy Gotham City Classical Radio on in here, lest you want to start singing for me?" He murmured, tapping the side of his head again as if the Bat could somehow see him.

"I'll see what I can do..." Came a more Bruce sounding murmur and the man dressed in black moved over to his desk, dropping his cape over the back of his chair as he sat down and began to log into his Waynetech system.

-=-

Crossing the bridge off of Miagani Island, Mr. Pennyworth reached for the touchscreen console on the dashboard and cleared his throat, waiting patiently for Master Bruce to answer his call.  
"Alfred, how was it." Was what blurted from Bruce's mouth. A quick glance at the monitor showed the butler that his ward was perch in front of his own computer monitor, eyes focused on whatever it was he was furiously typing.

"Good evening sir. If you are referring to my interactions with your... guest; I can assure you--

"I know all went well." Bruce interrupted, taking a deep breath. "I was asking about _you_." He murmured, eyes flicking to the video dialogue box where Alfred's neutral driving face filled the space. He tried to adjust his tone of voice for the older man; he deserved to be above this nonsense but alas, it would always be a part of his life.

"I am fine, sir. He is quite an annoyance, despite his predilection for classical music."  
"I know... and _I know_." The billionaire breathed with a tight smirk that he couldn't help. With a final keystroke, he'd gotten the computer's Cryptographic Sequencer application to access the Gotham's crude radio frequencies and located the 'classical' station.

You do realize that tonight is Christmas eve... Should I expect you home at any point?" Alfred asked with a tip of his head, still not looking from the road.

"Yes..." Was the answer that sounded like there were strings attached.  
"Should I prepare dinner?"  
"For two, I think." And with that Bruce cleared his throat, closed out the other programs on the screen but for the chat.  
"Very well then." Alfred murmured, managing to stifle an eye roll until Master Wayne had severed the communication with a familiar " _Don't wait up..._ "

-=-

It wasn't until the Joker was at the self-checkout (how convenient-- _and easy to steal from_ ) purchasing just 'one' lipstick and 'one' eyeshadow, that the 'Die Fledermaus Overture' began to play over the ear piece and the clown burst into hysterical, pleased laughter.

 _The Bat!_ How fitting!

He waltzed himself out of the store before the check-out attendant could be bothered to see if he'd even paid ( _he hadn't_ ) and pirouetted as he departed the Ferris Mall, disappearing into the Christmas Eve-crowded streets. Now, to a safe house to get gussied and maybe load up on some weapons.

All he had to do was keep it low key!

However... low key wasn't entirely a Joker thing. Even if he was stifling the urge to shove old ladies, shank a stranger or hop on a bell ringing Santa's back; the stark clash of purple and green couldn't help but catch the eye of a few concerned citizens. But for now, knowing that he was however much time he felt like being from his next encounter with his Bat; the clown sauntered down the street, oblivious to every one of these fleshbags... until one of them had the audacity to bump into him.

Grabbing the offending human by its arms, grasping triceps a little too firmly, the clown prince of crime squeezed the body of this now petrified woman closer, tipping his head back so he could glance down at her furrowed face.

"Why _madam_..."

She gasped, her 'Big Brown Bags' dropped to the cobblestone sidewalk with the heavy clunk of already wrapped presents crunching to the ground and her mouth curved into the shape of an 'o'.

  
"I know, _I know_... It's like Christmas came early..." He purred from under the rim of his fedora, eyes glittering as he fed off of her fear. It was purely excitement; the sounds of the classical music went legato and he grinned, one hand sliding to the woman's clenched fist, the other low on her back as he began to waltz with her on the street, pressing her body close to his as they spun. Naturally, a 6'5" man dancing with a much shorter, terrified woman as the snow began to fall on Christmas Even in Gotham City was a bit of a disturbance.  
A noise of shock died in her throat and tears began to come to the woman's eyes as she realized in these few moments, WHO it was exactly that she had plowed into. ' _Don't scream, Melanie.. don't scream_ ' but she could hardly contain herself and whimpers of anxiety left her lips as she stared up at The Joker.

**The Joker!**

The man who had terrorized Gotham from the day he'd set foot in it. Who had recently been thrown famously into Arkham City and not heard of since... She swallowed, getting dizzy from the spinning, almost in a daze as she gazed up at that unpainted face. How horrible of her to think, for this brief moment, that he was utterly handsome.

The clown smiled down at the woman, his smile going wider, into that familiarly treacherous grin and he dipped the poor broad before tipping his head up and spinning her into an oncoming taxi.

"Watch where the **_HELL_** you are going next time." He growled out to the symphony that was the sound of the vehicle screeching to a stop over Melanie's shocked scream and the thick thud of her body bouncing off of the hood of the cab.

This, of course, was just the distraction the Joker needed to continue onto his safe house, the music building in his right ear as the chaos grew in his wake. Somewhere, he knew that the Batman was likely listening into all of this madness and it only made his grin grow. The next dance could be his.

Aaah, it felt good to be _alive_.

-=-

It was mere moments later as Bruce moved from his desk to cross the room that a static interruption cut through the sounds of the GCR classical station he was barely picking up from the madman's side and he tipped his head up.

  
"Bruce!"

  
"Barbara."

"Bruce, look, I know this is going to sound... weird." She said, voice almost shaking as he endeavored to get the words out of her mouth as fast as she was typing. "But I just picked up several calls to GCPD stating that there has been a sighting of the..." Babs didn't want to say it, eyes squeezing shut for a moment. It couldn't be, could it? 

"The Joker." Bruce breathed and let out a sigh. This was one of the more despicable parts of this whole charade... He had to omit information from those he trusted the most in order to keep what he needed the most preserved. It was ill and he knew it but he'd gotten comfortable with the apathy that came along with the rare instances of self-indulgence he allowed.

"How...?"

"I'm already on it, Babs. Please, don't worry."

"How can I not?" She asked and Bruce was sure he could hear her frown.

"Because if it is even him, I have it under control."

"Look, Bruce..." The woman paused, taking off her glasses. She was extremely grateful that they were over voice link and not the video.

"I... I know that the Joker has been down there. We all do."

That caused the Bat Patriarch to growl, also inwardly pleased that they weren't on video.

"Whatever your reasons--"

"--Are _MY_ reasons." Bruce interrupted, curling his hand into a fist and slamming it on his desk. Either Barbara had sorted this on her own or Alfred had broken down and told her. He had a gut feeling it was more towards the latter than the former.

"Yes. They are." She said tightly, her own jaw tensing as she ground her teeth together. "Yours alone. I don't know what you want him there for."

  
"It's not that." He murmured, sucking in a deep breath and sighing it out. It wasn't as if he didn't know WHY Barbara was uneasy around this topic. She was reminded of the Joker's mania on a daily basis and here he was, trying to find ways to justify it.

"Then what is it Bruce! Tell **me**! Tell me why that man is in your home! Why he's not in prison or dead!" Losing her composure, the redhead pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Barbara... He... should have never been able to get to you..." The man murmured the guilt from that very bad day always so fresh... When it came to the clown, the conversation always defaulted to his brutal attack on her and Bruce's forever-guilt over it. 

  
"It's not your fault, Bruce... I just... Look. You're right." This wasn't a conversation worth having... nor was it one they ever really COULD have. "Besides, it's Christmas Eve and people are frantic and wanting any reason to cause a scene. It was probably nothing."

"Exactly." The billionaire lied, snapping his cape on each shoulder.

"Look, just... call me if you need anything, okay?"

"You know I will Babs."

She smiled faintly at that, putting her glasses back on. "Dick's out on patrol right now, we'll probably be over at some point tomorrow." The Oracle murmured, sighing again. Maybe. Who knew. Was the Joker really in the Bat Cave? Was he in a coma like Alfred had alluded to? Apparently not. Did Bruce really think he could rehabilitate the mad man and make him 'normal'? Who knew?

"For...?"

"It's Christmas," Barbara said with an almost petulance, but it wasn't really surprising. Bruce was really quite shitty about holidays. Not birthdays, he was awesome at birthdays...

"Oh. Oh yeah. That. Okay, right. Then tomorrow." He murmured, sounding distracted as he flicked on his Detective Mode and looked for the GPS blip that tagged the Joker.

"Merry Christmas Bruce..." Babs said with a small smile, eyes focusing on her computer screen.

"Not yet, but...you too..." Bruce murmured with a little bit of a smile before severing the line of communication

Cape in place, Batman had paused in front of the door leading to his office's deck and flipped through the Virtual Console stored in his right arm gauntlet. He was able to tune the frequency of the Joker's earbud from the Cryptographic Sequencer on here as well and felt satisfied with the preparations that had been made. Flicking through the Virtual Console, he noted the blip on his radar that had idled a little bit from Wayne Tower... He'd give it some time, after all...

There was still a chance that he had been grossly misinterpreting each encounter he'd had with the Joker over the past fifteen plus years. That he had been imagining the man's coyness, his possessive behavior. That every purred pet name had been just said to get under his skin and unnerve him, not because he wanted to be throttled. That what he witnessed in the shower was just a man embracing... himself. Thoroughly.

Bruce slammed one gloved hand against the glass of the door to stop his brain from going there and let out a deep breath before throwing open the door and running full speed to leap off of the side of the building.

_Maybe he was crazy._


	5. Waltz to the Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Joker hits the streets of Gotham after not setting foot in this trash heap city for over a year... However, he has a date with the Batman, a waltz to the death and maybe a little mayhem? No, it's going to lean more into a sappy fight and perhaps, finally, a kiss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the songs featured in this grossly sappy chapter, minus the Blue Danube Waltz, are canon for the Batman games or movies. I have provided a few songs below for your consideration. 
> 
> Batman 1989 - Waltz to the Death https://youtu.be/YDp9o47YX0Y  
> Johann Strauss II - The Blue Danube Waltz https://youtu.be/_CTYymbbEL4  
> Frank Sinatra - Got You Under My Skin https://youtu.be/AsnHQUgFy14  
> .

-=-

  
Pulling the mother of pearl pocket watch from his vest, the Joker tipped his head to the side as he glanced it-- but he really wasn't reading it, he was checking the reflection to see if there was anyone standing behind him. In the clear, the sound of his shoes clicking on the sidewalk with his long strides died out as he took a turn down an alley, already coated with the thick flakes of snow and then up three stairs to the small landing where he stood at a door with no overhead light. This was the one and if he was lucky (and sometimes he was...) the door would be - _ka-click_ \- unclocked.

  
_"Fucking idiots, I swear..."_  The clown murmured to himself, slapped in the face with the stench of mold, stale blood and old, old rot. Okay, not his problem.  
As long as the safe that was kept in this safe house (Get it?) still had a battalion of poison loaded ampules and knives, he'd be good. Flicking on a light switch, the clown's brow furrowed as he was met with a well-deceased corpse, spilled from where it had expired on the couch onto the floor of the place. Well, that was just gross.

See how things fell apart when he wasn't around!?

_Literally?!_

Another chuckle left him as he nudged the almost-skeleton, which DID fall apart and he recognized the iconic melody of piece of music he was listening to. Another twirl. Too bad that body was so far gone, he could use a partner-- Oh wait! Distractions, distractions!

The Joker made his way across the room to the obnoxiously obvious black safe that was pressed into the corner of the room, a dingy yellowed doily laid across the top of it, giving it that classic 'Oh I definitely belong here' look. The safe was a password that few remembered, but it had always stuck out to him -- '2-10-11', 'eyes, fingers, toes', (An old Chaz Addams joke! But who had a sense of humor like that anymore?) Crouching down, the nearly accessorized man made haste with unlocking the safe, holding his breath in hopes that he wouldn't have to track down much more bullshit before putting himself out there for the Bat.

The safe was, indeed, stocked with a small arsenal of knives-- switchblades, shivs, hunting knives, pen knives, there was even his favorite set of brass knuckles--- How's about a kiss from a fist, Bats?

"Ohhhohoho..." The Joker purred, sliding them over his gloved fingers as another low giggle left his throat.

-=-

"Hm," Batman grunted, perched atop a gargoyle not far from the Merchant's Bank. His eyes narrowed as he scanned the ground, not wanting to admit that he had his eyes locked to the little blip on his radar that showed him exactly where and in what building the Joker was standing. It was his duty to not let the clown out of his sight-- especially considering how tempting it surely was for the man to out himself. Joker, back from the dead... That was news that everybody wanted for Christmas morning. Said Nobody, ever.

However, news of the Joker's death hadn't made it out of Arkham City just yet. Even Harley hadn't made too much of a scene out of mourning the clown... it was as if no one really could believe it and the GCPD technically couldn't formally confirm it.

"Where are you." The caped man rumbled out, taking a deep breath of the crisp night air as the snow continued to accumulate on his cape.

"You keep asking like you're sitting on the ROOF, Bats --- Just getting my finishing touches, so pushy...!" The madman murmured, loading his pockets with the weaponry and placing a giant fake El Sol Dahlia in his breast buttonhole of his vest, the clown strutted off to the lavatory, eager to apply his face.

These little safehouse apartments were all the same-- Oh eww, another expired body. Ick. What happened here? Drugs? Nose wrinkling in disgust, the clown's face folded into a frown as he looked at the slumped corpse on the toilet. It was probably drugs. Funny, how well that Arkham City was at keeping the creeps out of the 'nicer' parts of the city.

HA! Well, when ya gotta go...

It took very little time to shade his eyes but the Joker spent more time than usual pressing the lipstick against his lips, over and over and over. He wanted it thick and shiny, he wanted the Batman to be able to see this bright, blood red first things first... Oh, how would it look smudged on that stupid, sexy face...

Pressing his lips together one last time, the green-haired man dropped the rouge into one of the coat's deeper pockets before he adjusted his hat and whirled out of the bathroom, happily ignoring the second of dead bodies casually lounging in this burner apartment. The safe was left wide open but it was empty, so the clown had no more use of this place it seemed! A light pat on the head of the corpse strewn across the couch and the Ace of Knaves smacked out the light and left from whence he came.

"Where are you!" Batman growled again uttered as soon as the Joker stepped out of the building. He had found himself perched on the roof of the shitty safe house apartment, now watching his clown straighten his collar, adjust his fedora and move back out of the alley to the street.

"Around..." The Joker tittered; classical music that the Bat had patched in still playing softly in the background.

"Hn..." Came the Bat's growl and he resisted the urge to swoop down and scoop up the man. He did, however, aim his Bat-grapnel in the direction of Wayne Enterprises and watched the Joker whip his head up and around as he heard the carbon cable hissing from its holster as it was fired. The flutter of his cape cast a shadow for a split second and the clown held is hat as he looked up at the night sky, his red lips split in a wide, delighted smile.  
When Bruce landed, he shifted his audio feed from the fool to the GCPD station, brow furrowing as he listened to the frantic calls coming in about the sightings of the Joker.

 _'A man, dressed in purple just threw a woman in front of a car!'_  
_'He was dancing with this lady and then just... dumped her in front of a taxi!'_  
_'She's been transported to Gotham Regional in critical but stable condition'_  
_'I think it was the Joker and now he's gone!'_  
_'How could it be?!'_

This was what Bruce had been worried about and he felt a familiar flare of anger and disappointment in himself for thinking for even a moment that any of this had been a good idea... That he'd put what HE wanted before Gotham... But he always had, hadn't he and the clown hadn't technically killed anyone... Yet.

The truly worst part was that he felt more jealousy than anything else, that the Joker had wrapped somebody else up in his arms, that he wasn't HERE. NOW. Bruce felt like a fool, disgusted with himself, a growl leaving his throat at his own weaknesses. Somebody almost DIED. The guilt welled up in his gut and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, torn with what to do.

Another sigh left the Bat and he glanced down from the roof he was crouched on to find the clown out of sight and for another guilty minute, he let the man wander further away.

-=-

He felt good. Really good. With his face back on and a little attempted homicide under his belt, the Joker strode leisurely down the street, hands in the air in front of him as he conducted his symphony of madness, hell, even the snow wasn't that much a bother. It was almost pretty, the white static to drown out the noise and expectations of Christmas Eve. And sure, it was beginning to seep into the wool of one of his most beloved articles of clothing--- but the water damage should be the least of his worries if he'd gotten Batman back on his trail.

  
"Hmm, anything interesting happen, Bats?" The clown murmured as he wandered deeper into Miagani, away from the busy and the bustle. He knew exactly where Wayne Tower was but figured that the Batman would be happy to assist in guiding him.

"You mean the dance you cut out of early?" Bruce growled, having just switched back to the Joker's frequency, then grapneling to the roof of a taller building and perching himself on a gargoyle. Something about being higher up in the air made him feel like he was in control. Maybe it was because the air was thinner or because it wasn't as noisy and busy as the chaos below.

"News gets around fast, ey Bats!" The clown laughed, stretching his arms out to embrace the night.

It was then, arms extended, that the click-hiss of the Bat's grapnel gun rang through the air, clamping and locking onto the scaffolding of another tall building and the Batman swooped in and grazed by the purple-clad maniac, close enough to grab him if he wanted to.

  
'Was that... Batman?' Came a gasp of a startled bystander, arms full of already wrapped gifts. Who knows what he saw... but wouldn't that be something! The Joker running around Gotham all of a sudden and the resurgence of Batman! The man shrugged as he shouldered his presents and carried on, an amused look on his face as he thought about possibly being able to brag about this.

Meanwhile, the Joker's hat fluttered from his head from the strong gust blown at him from behind. Eyes narrowing as he crouched to pick it up, the somewhat incognito clown glanced over his shoulder before tugging the hat back on and began to leg it. This poison dahlia was a nice touch-- but he recalled that Batty Billionaire muttering something about Pamela-dear being out of the big bad Arkham shitty and continued towards the outskirts of Gotham, on a little mission to pay a visit to the green skinned broad that apparently helped his Bat out, on a monumental scale.

Which meant she wanted something in return, naturally. However, he wasn't getting far, no way he was getting to the Botanical Gardens as he was blindsided from behind, only hearing the hiss of the corded carbon Bat-Grapnel before he was nearly tackled and the loud flap of the Batman's cape snapping in the air as was gathered up and dragged up into the night.

Holding onto his hat, the other wrapped around Batman's shoulders, the clown did his best to feign nonchalance (and failed) and even Bruce had to take a second to register the look of surprise on the Joker's face.

  
"Oohh! Batsy!!! This must be how Lois Lane feels..." He murmured, tucking his face against the column of Bruce's cowled neck, pressing the fedora to his head and clinging tighter as the Batman loosened his grip for a moment.

"I will drop you."

"Don't, don't! I was just kidding!!" The clown pouted; relishing this closeness. He'd NEVER gotten this opportunity before; to be swept off of his feet by Batman. It didn't last long as he was somewhat gracelessly deposited onto the next roof, the man clad in black landing heavily on the rooftop behind him.

"What did you DO." Came the growl as Batman advanced, grabbing the man off and hoisting him easily into the air again by the front of his coat. A tiny part of him was reminded to be careful of the craftsmanship... but that was outweighed by the rage he was feeling. The betrayal.

"What, _whaaaat?_ " His hands came up to grasp at Batman's wrists and he gazed down at the other man, distracted for a moment as he watched that jaw tense, his nostrils flare. God, was this what he looked like during sex? "It was just a little dance, Batsy..." The Joker purred, the tips of his shoes barely grazing the roof as the Bat shook him, then dropped him again. Mmmn, just like old times.

Sitting back on his elbows and grinning up at the other man through the snow and light pollution, the Joker began to laugh, shifting to sit up, then stand without any assistance from the vigilante.

  
"Is she **_DEAD_**?" He barked suddenly, head tipped to the side as he re-adjusted his fedora, and reached into his right pocket, pulling out a switchblade he had yet to expose.  
"No," Batman growled out in response, eyes narrowing as he watched that hand, waited for the sound of the click of the metal. 'Tck' And there it was, glinting in the neon light from the near by Soder Cola building. It almost made the man feel relieved to see it, to know that this was where the night was taking them. Bruce squared his shoulders, adjusting his footing as he braced himself and the two faced off.

 **"TOO BAD!"** The Joker growled out, tsking loudly as he brandished the knife, a wide smile crossing his lips. This dance was one of their most familiar, the one that they had memorized-- their waltz to death and he lunged at the Batman, his heart pounding as he reached out with his firm blade and dared to slice into that suit and missed, only to be grasped by the arm and flung, hard to the roof.

He sprung back up, fedora flung from his head and barked out another laugh. The snow was steady now, making this dance a little slippery but that just added to the fun, didn't it!

The Joker lunged again, this time, his blade catching on the outside of Batman's shoulder. OF course, Batman would make no noise, no indication that he'd been wounded, except for the reciprocative punch he threw, knocking the clown back several feet as the knife stuck out of his arm. It sent a shockwave all the way down to his fingertips, the phantom memory of dropping the first vial-- the blade was only inches from the wound that had just recently finished healing. That bastard, always had to keep it fresh, didn't he.

'Gotcha!' Was all the clown could think as he skidded on his face in the snow, eyes squeezing shut in bliss as he was hoisted up by his collar.

"Ha!!! Is that all you've got! A whole year and this is _IT_?" He growled out, staring down at the other man, his lipstick smeared across his face, mixing with blood coming from his nose and mouth.

Batman was panting, staring up at the other-- his shoulder felt like fire and he lowered the man just enough so he could reach back and pull the blade from his arm, throwing it aimlessly away as he went back to grab the Joker by his throat. Both hands went to squeeze and the clown's neck and the Joker's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his lids lowered and he held onto the Bat's wrists again, a choked breath barely escaping his lips.

Oh, he wanted to do it like this?

"Don't do it again." The Bat growled, fisting more of the Joker's throat as he pressed closer, wheeling around and shoving his nemesis against the support of the fire escape shed for the building.

  
"Or _what._ " The clown replied breath knocked from him for a second and the dizziness was exhilarating. Batman slammed him against the shabby wall, the pressure of that solid body pushing the breath from him with a low noise as soon as it'd entered his lungs and it made the Joker feel weak. Momentarily, he went limp in that grasp and Batman froze, thinking maybe he'd pushed the other too hard, too soon.

  
He pulled back a fraction, wary, eyes widening under his cowl as he strained to stare at the taller man, brow furrowing as the Joker rolled his head to the side, gazing at him, pouting out his lips as he whispered.

_"I missed you."_

And Bruce was struck, he felt numb for a good moment, his arms felt heavy, the Joker felt like he was made of lead, his legs felt they were going to fail him.

"I missed you too..." He breathed out, admitting this to the other as the clown sucked in another shaky, ragged breath.

There was another long moment, an opportunity for Batman to shift forward, to push his cowl against that long white nose, to finally close the space between them but he found he could barely do a thing but loosen his grip on the clown and let him down, taking a step back as the Joker slumped back against the partition, eyes lidded in bliss.

"I knew it..." He purred, eyes shutting as he tipped his head back and panted, licking at the blood on his upper lip.

Bruce watched, hands clenching back into fists for a moment as he stared at his nemesis. At his everything. The plans he had had for tonight were much different, much more orchestrated, more choreographed and he was a fool for thinking that anything with the Joker would ever go accordingly.

He felt overwhelmed, unable to restrain how wantonly he watched. How badly he wanted to wipe the blood from his mouth, touch those lips. The really HORRIBLE thing was... he didn't CARE that the Joker had almost gotten another person killed. He hadn't and it was almost too easy for him to rationalize the man's behavior, to take the blame for not being there, for not distracting him, for not being and allowing the mad fool to be the center of his world.

It was also thrilling in a perverse way to have his routine back, it was so... relieving to see the blade in the madman's hand, to hear his laugh, to watch him twist and flex and spar with him as they went about their dance; to see his bright red mouth, his dark, deep-set eyes. This was their normal. This was what they were meant to do.  
Reaching his hand down to the pale maniac, Batman watched from the safety of his cowl, from the protective shell of his suit. He watched the Joker shift a bit and stretch out his long fingers, the white glove wet with snow and blood sliding into the thick black palm.

The classical music from GCR was still playing softly to both of them, though neither noticed as Bruce hoisted up the other man and the air between them grew warm, each of their breaths visible as they breathed in the other's exhales.

Batman couldn't help it, pressing forward again, grabbing at the front of the Joker's coat, one hand wrapped around his argyle tie. This was the illness, this was the sickness.

The Joker might be crazy, but he was mad, mental, desperate... Bruce pushed closer, his chest pressed against the clown's and he nearly closed the distance this time, hesitating before the other's painted mouth, watching the dark eyes widen in surprise as he went for it, again and his hand held the long fingered one in his own, his other sliding from the Joker's tie down his abdomen to inside of his coat and around the taller man's waist... and he whisked the clown away from the wall and they waltzed. They spun slowly, the Batman's cape picking up and whirling as did the coattails of the madman's purple coat and the notes of the music began to pick back up. The Blue Danube Waltz was playing in their ears and they moved slowly, the Batman looking up at his arch nemesis and he allowed the corner of his mouth to turn up as they continued to spin in step with the music.

He had spun to this song before, probably one hundred times out of societal circumstance but tonight... Tonight, was the first time he had actually wanted to.  
Shock still painted that face as the Joker found himself on the opposite side of the dance yet again and a smile slid onto his face that held much more delight than it did malice.

  
Now, _this_ was more like it... He had been waiting for Batman to cut in for YEARS.

  
Quickly, his other hand found purchase beneath the Bat's cape careful on his waist, just above the utility belt, the other clenching around the hand holding his and the Joker smirked a tiny bit. It matched the tight smirk on Bruce's lips. Batman was good at everything, wasn't he... Probably was good at this because of all of that fancy rich guy stuff he did in his spare time... But still, it was nice to have a dancing partner who knew what they were doing.

They didn't speak, though they kept pace, the Joker huffing out a laugh as he was spun with one hand, then pulled back to the Batman. It almost irritated him, how well they moved but this dance had been going on for years... it felt amazing to finally be _DOING_ it.

_Heh._

"You're good at this.." The Joker murmured, his voice husky; as if it was possible for the Batman to be bad at anything... Well, except having a sense of humor... but that always had the potential to change, now didn't it.

  
"I've had a lot of practice." Batman rumbled out, inwardly pleased that he hadn't been challenged for the lead and as the tempo of their song sped up, so did they.

What a sight, it would have been, to see Batman and his arch-nemesis waltzing in the snow, on a rooftop on Christmas Eve. They were fortunate that there weren't many apartment buildings in their line of sight... but really, who cared? The song continued to build up, the two men moving faster and now the clown was huffing out a laugh, almost slipping in the snow-- and of course, the Batman caught him and they almost dipped, cowl to nose again... Oh, how easy it would be to lean in and kiss his Batman...

The Joker tossed back his head and barked out a laugh and Bruce felt himself flush under his mask just a tiny bit, whirling the man away with one hand and letting go this time. 

The clown prince could tell that his Batsy was getting antsy and he grinned, reaching a white gloved hand back out to the man in black and he waited... Fingers seeking and as the moment stretched he tipped his head, smile almost faltering before Bruce grabbed his hand and drew him close, their bodies smashing together almost too hard as his hand intertwined with the Joker's; the other hand firmer that before, at the small of his back. The clown's free hand curled beneath the Bat's arm and came to rest mere centimeters from the puncture wound he had caused.

Bruce bristled at the feeling of the Joker almost touching him there and they spun together again, his head tipping up and now they WERE close enough that their noses were nearly touching.

  
He hissed as the clown closed his hand over the wound and then pressed his cheek to his own knuckles, nose going against Bruce's neck and then was silent, swallowing as he felt the man's head resting on his shoulder.

When had this happened...? Why... was he so... okay with this? When had it been appropriate or okay for him to be wrapped around this most hated man, making spirals and box steps in the falling snow... On Christmas eve no less?

Bruce pressed the side of his jaw to the Joker's head and moved with him, focused on the music in his ears, on the feeling of the fat flakes of snow falling on his warm face and melting instantly. On the way the body of this lanky man felt against him; how they moved together so well, they needed no direction, no guidance. Just to allow their energy to merge. On the fact that his heart was pounding as fast or faster than when they were fighting.

He would allow himself this indulgence right now and hope to GOD that he wasn't at the precipice of indulging too many Joker-related things... But as it were, there was a modular room with a nicer closet and bathroom than a third of the apartments in Gotham in the Bat Cave... He'd already given up his identity and strong-armed his family into acquiescing against him keeping the Joker.

  
_There_. He'd thought it.

He was going to keep the Joker for as long as he could and had already sorted out how to both justify and rationalize the situation to Alfred and the kids... Bruce had the Joker figured out. He knew what the man wanted and knew that all he needed to do was merely exist and the clown would stick around.

  
He didn't need to be the World's Greatest Detective to figure that one out.

The waltz slowed to a finish in their ears and Batman swallowed thickly, almost afraid to move. HE wanted something normal to happen, he wanted the Joker to stomp his foot and a blade to slide out of his shoe. He wanted a reason to tear himself away from the clown, to throw him away, out of his face, out of his goddamn head, but he couldn't. A combination of nausea and embarrassment as the billionaire felt how hot he was under his cowl.

They stood together, moving from foot to foot slowly as the station's announcer crooned his soft ' _Goodnight to you, Gotham and have a Merry Christmas_ ' over the radio waves and then set on the instrumental tracks to play on through the rest of the night.

Bruce froze as the familiar chords on one of his favorite songs were struck and he bowed his head down, cheek almost against the side of the Joker's face as he inhaled sharply. This had to be a joke... but no... no it was fate and he was again, helpless as the parts of him he had suppressed for so long rose to the surface. It wasn't like he was able to help himself anyway...

 _"I've... got you... under my skin..."_ He rumbled hotly against the clown's ear. There would probably never be another opportunity to be this close, say what he'd wanted to say without having to find his own words. _"I've got you... deep in the heart of me..."_

The Joker sucked in a gasp, his eyes opening, going wider than they had in the Monarch Theatre when the Batman had swooped in and saved him, the bastard, and now HE was being serenaded.

  
_Christ_ , it made his knees weak. 

  
_"So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me... I've got you, under my skin..."_ The Batman rumbled, beginning to sway with his clown. This was so absurd... it seemed surreal but he was a grown man in a bat costume, fighting to the death with a rainbow of colorful idiots... why was THIS so odd? The only thing that was strange about it was how long it had taken.

The clown laughed at that line, managing to gather a little composure and shifted to lay his chin on the Bat's shoulder, hand pressed over that wound... It was warm and he could feel his Batman throbbing beneath his fingers. And damn him yet again for being good at something ELSE, Bruce Wayne could drop a record if he wanted to!

  
_"I tried so... not to give in... I said to myself this... affair, never would go so well..."_ He exhaled, eyes squeezed shut the Joker moved with him. This felt... kind of cathartic, in a way. Maybe that was why the clown had sung to him so many times over the years. It was a good way to organize how he felt, instead of letting the chaos of mind convolute everything. _"But why should I try to resist, when baby... I know so well..."_

The Joker stiffened his smile widening, tipping his nose against the Bat's cheek as he sung, swallowing the lump of excitement that grew in his throat as he heard the word ' _baby_ ' and it was directed to him. _OH_ be still my heart!!!

_"I've got you under my skin..."_

The Batman rasped, his lips now against the Joker's cheek and he felt the taller man tense. Good. It was his turn to be overwhelmed, _goddamnit_.

 _"I'd sacrifice anything come what might for the sake of having you near... in spite of a warning voice that comes in the night and repeats, repeat in my ear... "_ Bruce put his lips on the Joker's earlobe, teeth grazing the outer shell and he felt the taller man shudder. It made him nearly bite at the pale drop of flesh but somehow, the billionaire managed to restrain himself. Not yet.

 _"Don't you know, little fool..."_ He growled. _"You never can win..."_ The clown gasped, his eyes squeezing shut as he shuddered against his Batman again, practically being held up by the hand on his lower back, the strong arm that was pressing them together from chest to thigh.

 _"Use your mentality... wake up to reality..."_ Bruce felt a wave of elation as the lanky man gripped him closer and he shifted his head back just enough to meet the other man's eyes-- the look on the Joker's face was close to what he had pictured the clown looked like when he was manipulating himself in the shower, breath coming from between his full lips-- oh but how red. _Finally_. His electric eyes lidded but his pupils, those black holes, going that fraction or so wider, just for him.

  
_"But each time that I do..._ just _the thought of you... Makes me stop just before I begin... "_

Those eyes. They dilated for him. _Only for him._

He'd seen it when he'd changed both of their lives in that moment so many years ago when they'd first met. When the Joker had been blown off of the penthouse of the Diamond Hotel that Bane had hit with a goddamn bazooka, catching the tumbling fool so many Christmas Eves ago. Even then, he was laughing, cackling with glee... Neither of them yet knowing how much their lives would change. Oh... How many times had he thought about them free falling to the streets below, the way he'd maneuvered himself behind the clown, how he cushioned the fall of the fool...

It made Bruce feel infinitely smug to be able to shut him up for a moment, make him want, to make him need... Even this mad man knew that fate had called to them. That fate had told them that night, that they would never be alone again. That this horrible, treacherous, dark, vile ride was theirs to share.

  
They both knew the feeling, of something building, something greater than them both drawing them into darkness... Batman tipped his head, his place in the song forgotten as he stared into this creature, almost closing the distance as his mouth hovered over that red one... The Joker's breath hitched and he brushed his nose against the cowl, swallowing as he exhaled a thick--

  
" _Bruce..._ "

  
And it was on-- that was it. He couldn't hold back anymore and he wrapped both arms around the man, their mouths finally touching and it was more than electric. The sound that left the clown was shameful, a low groan that never really left his mouth because it simply entered the other man.  
Yesss, yes... Goddamnit, yes... How badly had he wanted this, how many times had he tormented himself with the guilt of desiring his nemesis so thoroughly? Bruce, he knew the Joker was his, just as he had reconciled with being the clown's. Being the King of Spades to the clown's Ace of Knaves and the Joker sucked in a quick breath, leaning into the kiss, their hands now grasping, at cape and coat.

  
They stumbled back a few steps, graceless as the Bat whirled and let himself get pressed into the shed, arching into the taller man as his hands grasped at tie and coat collar. The clown's hair was wet from the snow falling and melting on him, his coat was going to need to be sorted and when they parted to breathe, white forehead on black cowl, it dawned on Bruce that it was cold and they were wet and maybe he should call the Batwing or Batmobile...  
The Joker smiled, his lipstick smudged, eyeshadow making his eyes seem like they were glowing-- but this was no ordinary smile. This was a triumphant, a chuffed, a dazed smile. A smile of genuine satisfaction.

  
"Ohh.. Batsy..." He breathed, hands slipping from the man in black and going to his mouth. He was well beyond overwhelmed. He was light-years beyond whelmed and biting onto a gloved finger was all he could do to keep from screaming with maniacal joy, his breath still coming quickly, still bewilderedly dazed.

  
Batman glanced at his very excited clown and decided on the Batwing over the Batmobile. He wasn't going to be able to focus on driving right now, not like this. Punching in a few sequences into the keypad on his right gauntlet, all while keeping his gaze locked on the Joker, Bruce was silent but for how he struggled to regulate his breathing through his nose. No words... Not yet.

  
The roar of the Batwing above them distracted the clown and he whipped his gaze up, grinning up at the vehicle. Jesus Christ, how could Bruce ever dare say he was flashy? There was like, a several million dollar stealth aircraft just _THERE_.

  
"Come on, let's go home." He rumbled out, the jet hovering low enough to lower the steps to climb in. The Joker couldn't recall the last time he'd been in this fancy machine, but obliged with a shrug, glancing over his shoulder at the Batman and feeling charmed as he caught the vigilante reaching down to pick up his accidentally discarded fedora.


	6. I've Been to the Mountain Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short, familiar ride allows the Batman and Joker to take a momentary break from their game and co-exist in the dark. Alfred is still not about it.

It wasn't actually true, well. It was sort of true.

  
The Joker had been in the Bat Wing before, but not this one and he'd had the luxury of being knocked the hell out. Many times while unconscious the clown had been provided transport by this (thankfully) self-navigating vehicle and tonight was the first time he'd been able to appreciate the craftsmanship. And... it was a rarity for Bruce to have a reason to call out the two-seater.

  
"Nice digs, I mean, seriously Batsy, you certainly don't seem like the Lego set type, but look at all of your fabulous toys..." The madman murmured, stroking a hand over the carbon fiber console, illuminated in neon blue.

  
"I love Legos." Bruce murmured, glancing over at the other man as he settled back in his seat and held out his hand, open-palmed. It looked like he was just reclining, a natural pose on the arm rest but as the clown looked over, he noted how tense the Bat was as if he was still waiting for something.

Ah, yes...

A wide smile crossed the Joker's lips and he tipped his head back against the leather seat and slid his white-gloved hand into the Bat's waiting palm. The articulated fingers of the glove flexed and curled and he watched the hand clench around his, he watched Batman relax. It almost made him shudder, how strange, to see that body anything but taut but the pale man relished the sight regardless.

How many times...

He squeezed back, eyes shutting as he grinned in the illuminated blue darkness of the cockpit.

"Should have figured you for a Sinatra guy..." The Joker purred, then barked out a laugh while squeezing the Batman's hand harder.

"Oh come on, of course... he's classic..." Bruce murmured, glancing over at the clown, then their hands and he squeezed right back.

-=-

Alfred had been alerted to their imminent return as the Bat Wing remotely lifted off and out of the Bat Cave. He had been in the master kitchen on the third floor, eyebrows raising as he barely made out the 'fwoooosh' of the glider firing off. A glance at the clock on the La Cornue, (yes, they had a CLOCK on it, as of course, it was custom) it read 10:58 PM and the butler couldn't help a tiny, private grin as he turned the broiler back on to heat up the Christmas Eve dinner.

Hmm. How about that.

He gave it a few more moments before moving to the touch-screen tablet on the fridge and punching in the code to directly call into Batman's headset.

"Sir, are you en route?" Alfred murmured as soon as the video link had been accepted and the somewhat slouched Batman entered his frame of vision and the older man's brows instantly furrowed. "Are you all right?"

"Ohhh, he's fine.." The Joker murmured, leaning into frame and wiggling his fingers in a little wave to Alfred. "Hiiiii~" Before flopping back in the seat with a cackle.

Nose wrinkling in mild discomfort, the butler managed to stifled a little annoyed noise, trying to deliberately and only focus his attention on Bruce.

"Sir?"

"I'm fine. I have a puncture wound on my left shoulder that needs to be addressed." Bruce murmured with a sidelong glance at the Joker, who murmured a weak " _Sorry..."_ from out of view.

"Another one, sir?" Alfred murmured with a deadpan and his eyes slid over to where he knew the fool  was sitting, though he was (thankfully) out of frame.

 _"SORRY!!"_ The clown barked while beginning to cackle, squeezing the hand in his own while draping his other arm across his eyes. This was GREAT! _"Is he gay?"_ The Joker asked in a murmur, lifting his arm to glance at Bruce. _"He's awfully sassy..."_

Shooting the most murderous look he could muster and hoping to God that Alfred hadn't heard that mutter, Bruce refocused his attention on his butler.

  
"Yes, Alfred, our... _houseguest_ needs some attention to his face." Bruce murmured, glancing back at the green haired man with the shadow of ' _and will need more attention too, if he says anything else_ ' look on his cowled face; who was reminded that he had, in fact, taken a ride on his money maker for a few yards and pinched at the tip of his nose, wincing a little. "Oww..."

Alfred didn't say anything at that but gave Bruce a long, penetrating look. And people said that Batman had no sense of humor.

"Very well, sir. Your estimated time of arrival?"

"Is in less than six minutes."

The Joker's eyebrows rose and he thought about what could be done in six minutes in this little space, then looked back down at his held hand and felt a wave of satisfaction roll over him and squeezed Bruce's hand again.

He didn't *have* to fit it into six goddamn minutes, they had as long as they wanted.

With a nod, Alfred had severed the communication and the Batman kept his eyes focused on the dark screen, squeezing back and then shook his head once, inhaling through his nose. What was he doing?

This really was the final nail in the coffin for what he called sanity, wasn't it? But if THAT was how annoying the Joker would be... maybe he could put up with being mildly irritated, all the time.

Bruce glanced back over at the clown, looking at his somewhat lounged body, his posture and then up to the face that was staring at him from under that arm.

_"Only yoooou...."_

His eyes widened and he straightened in the seat. Fair was fair, it was the Joker's turn, wasn't it. But hearing the man crooning to him made his abdomen tense. He felt a wave of nausea at the words... Bruce had listened to the recording over, and over and over. He had lost sleep over the song, what it meant,

WHY the fool was so ready and willing to die. For what, the last laugh?

 _"Can make this world, seem bright... Only yoooou... "_ The clown chirped, sitting up as he well and dropping the arm over his eyes to properly gaze at his vigilante. _"Can make the darkness bright..."_

  
Bruce sucked in another sharp breath, eyes shutting as thought about how many times he'd fallen asleep at the console while watching the cameras, desperate to see the comatose man move, to see that he was stabilizing. How many times he'd woken up with his head on his folded arms and those words in his head... and if things didn't turn out like they had, it would have been the last recording of his voice.

_"Only youuu and you alone... ca-aaan, thrill me like you do..."_

The Batman squeezed the Joker's hand again and when he opened his eyes, the clown was leaning over the armrest of his seat, mere inches from him.

_"And fill my heart, with love, for only you..."_

The smile that was on the Joker's face was glorious... Bruce felt himself flush as he flicked his gaze from that mouth to those eyes, then hands and swallowed, shifting closer in his seat to face the other man, indulging himself and his jester, who let out a little laugh.

They were close enough to the mansion for him to indulge this...

 _"Only you... can make this change in me... for it's true, you are my destiny, **whether you like it not, Bats**..."_ He murmured out of the side of his mouth, grinning as Batman made a sort of clipped snort of a sound.

 _"When you hold my hand..."_ The Joker lifted their joined hands for emphasis, always the entertainer... _"I understand, the magic that you doooo..."_ He leaned closer, almost crawling into the other man's seat, he may as well, considering he was kneeling on the leather, reaching out to grasp the Bat's jaw.

 _"You're my dream come true!"_ The clown said with another laugh, lightly smacking Bruce's stubbled jaw as he leaned in and touched his forehead to the Batman's, to that cowl. Ohh, it felt so cool against his skin and he shuddered, eyes shutting, exhaling out his last line.

_"My one and only, yooou...."_

  
The Bat Wing began to shift noticeably, lurching the men inside and the Joker let out a laugh at how graceless this machine suddenly was as it began to position itself and hover down into the Bat Cave.

He'd have to save that kiss for later...

Bruce cleared his throat, turning his face in the other man's hand and pressing his mouth against the gloved palm for a moment before shifting and relaxing his grip on the Joker's other hand.

"C'mon..." The shorter man prodded and it didn't take much for the clown to unfold himself from the seat as the release hatch opened in the floor and the stairs unfolded.

They were silent as they walked down from the landing pad, the Joker looking around at the vast space and whistling. He would probably never get over what a, well, cool hideout this was. Here, have an island for your mansion! Please, feel free to utilize the gigantic, bat-infested cave... Hmm, did this cave COME with the bats or did Batman, like, import some fancy, expensi--" _Ooof!_ " And the Joker was stopped from his mental rambling by walking into the Batman's back. The weight of the taller man bashing in him didn't move him an inch but did cause the man to smirk a bit as he reached up and pulled off his cowl.

The clown shifted, straightening and shouldering out of his wet wool coat and paused as he looked at the sight.

My God, how many times... Batman was Bruce Wayne, in all of his disheveled glory. Sure, his hair was sweaty and matted down, but all it took was a toss of his head and he looked better than the average Joe on a GREAT day, the sight was both unsettling and intoxicating.

"Okay, so at least now I am 100% sure..." The Joker breathed, grinning toothily as he gazed at the now cowl and capeless crusader.

"You thought I was lying?" Bruce murmured, walking the few more steps over to one of the medical consoles, laying down his cape as he glanced back at the other man.

"Oh come on, I think _EVERYONE_ is lying... and not entirely, it's just... You were very casual about it..." The Joker murmured, holding out his coat like it was completely foreign to him, glancing around to see where to dump it.

"Well, I didn't expect you to--"

"What, wake up and wonder where the hell I was? _Tsk tsk... Some detective_..." The clown teased and made a pleased face when Bruce took the coat and draped it across his discarded leather.

"What other weapons do you have on you right now?" The Batman rumbled, shifting to face the taller man. He was answered with the Joker shrugging as innocently as he could muster, shrugging and holding his arms out.

"Gonna have to frisk me, Bats..." The clown said with a proud smile while biting his lip, then tipping his head to the side. "I already took off the jacket..." The green haired man murmured, gesturing at the soaked through the dark purple fabric... It looked quite lovely draped across the Batman's leather cape. There was an excited, defiant light in his eyes as he stared down the de-cowled Batman. Honestly, a majority of his weapons sat in the layered pockets of that coat, but the Bat would have to do a little digging to find the remaining ones.

Heheheheh...

"I'm fine with that." The slightly shorter man murmured as he moved to stand in front of the clown, face neutral as he stared up at the mildly disheveled Joker-- who was frankly, posing for him, one leg cocked out to the side, toe pointed. So dramatic...

Bruce shook his head and managed not to smirk as he took a step closer, hands starting at the taller man's shoulders but hesitating. The Joker DID smirk, knowing that he was being ogled, he could feel the tension between them and his eyes flicked down, and he pursed his lips as he got a good look right back at Batman in his bright baby blues.

It felt quite good to be what he could only imagine was eye stripped.

He turned his palms towards the ceiling, mustering even more innocence and took a step back, biting the inside of his bottom lip as he tried not to outright grin.

"What? Go on then..." The green haired man murmured, his brows lowering a bit as Batman took a step closer to him, "What are ya waiting for, _Bats_?" he exhaled, his wide smile back in place as he challenged the other man.

Bruce kept his face neutral, removing his gauntlets and gloves, setting them down beside the discarded jacket and cape before he stepped into the clown's personal space, the corner of his mouth immediately back in a smirk as he watched the Joker's eyebrows raise in surprise.

His hands started at the shoulders, sliding down the back of the clown's arms and he flipped the two knives, hidden behind each of the clown's dark purple arm bands, to the floor while unhooking the tiny clasps and flicking the elastic down as well. _Ah, so he'd found them._ The arm garters were a nice little touch that Batman had noticed, noting that the Joker tended to sport with his more billowy, silk shirts. So _what_ , he was a stickler for details and right now, he was inwardly pleased with the sight of them. It wasn't as if he had a... thing for clothing. Ahem. 

They had done this before... Not under these circumstances, but this was a very familiar pose stance for him... Mmm, made the clown think of all of those times at the Asylum that he'd been frisked down by the Bat, by demand, of course.

The Joker let out a little laugh as the weapons clattered to the floor, rolling his head to gaze fondly down at the other man, the object of his desire. Bruce smirked wider, the madman's arms were clear and he kept his eyes locked on the taller, undoing the cufflinks at his wrists deftly, with a little twist of his fingers and they both fell to the ground with their own with tiny little 'tink-tinks' and rolled away somewhere. It would be easy to grab the Joker's wrists tightly, restrain him, to pull him closer and crush their mouths together.

_He wanted to._

And there was a heaviness in the air between them that lent to that feeling... the excitement in knowing that he could. His hands slid back up those arms and he bodily turned the Joker around, it was unnecessary as he could have done all of this with the man facing him, but he reached around and snaked his hands to the clown's vest one hand feeling at the pocket the pocket watch was in before his other unbuttoned the three buttons down the middle. He slid his hands back up, over the Joker's shoulders and took the article of clothing with him, tossing it behind him onto the growing pile on the console.

There was a knife clipped to the left side of the Joker's waist on a belt loop and Bruce jerked it roughly off from the slacks, yanking it hard as it snagged on the loop before freeing and he yanked the man back, towards him a fraction while a noise left the other man.

"Hn.." Bruce grunted, his hand returning the taller man's hip holding him still as his other hesitate over his front right pocket.

"Wanna see what I'm packin', Bats?" The Joker managed to pant out, breath coming a bit faster from between his lips.

Shit, it had never been like THIS before... Oooh, imagine Gordon's face if the Bat had frisked him from behind, Ole Commissioner Boredom would be having coronary artery failure!

"Heh..." Was all he got in response, right hand sliding into the Joker's right pocket, his left hand sliding down over the top of the clown's thigh and Bruce was in a bit of a haze as he wrapped his fist around another folded switch blade. He made a noise as he grabbed it, pressing it hard against the other man's leg and then dragged it out of his pocket and threw it to the floor while pulling out the liner. The cretin's breath was coming faster but Batman was keeping pretty damn decent control, exhaling against the taller man's neck-- The Joker was not as well kept together.

Oh _no_ , he was becoming undone and quickly, hunching forward with a giggle that turned into a low laugh, the clown shuddered back against the Batman. When he was able to straighten, he'd found Bruce had shoved his left hand into his pocket and pulled the liner from the fold.  The Joker shuddered again, his hands covering the Bat's bare ones, pressing down on him harder, pushing his shoulders back against the vigilante's chest.

"I--"

_"--Ahem."_

The men separated immediately, Bruce whirling at the attention of his butler and the Joker coughing out a laugh, his eyes wide and a look that was the combination of hilarity and mortification stretching his face. Brows raised in surprised, eyes rounded but mouth curled into a wry smile. Oh, holy shit, he could kill that man right now.

Bruce cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair and the flush on his face was really quite charming.... However, Alfred closed his eyes for longer than a blink and opened them, as if he was clearing the slate of his mind.

"Your shoulder, sir?"

"Hn?" The black haired man glanced quickly at the Joker, who mimed a stabbing motion and the vigilante bristled, blinking back at Alfred as he was reminded.

"Oh, yes. Yeah, sorry about that..." Bruce rumbled, still feeling a little flushed and began to pull off the top half of the Bat Suit nonchalantly.

The clown's mouth fell open, brow furrowing in confused amazement as he watched Batman just... casually disrobe? He'd peeled the suit down to his waist, exposing... the... whole, top.... zone. The Joker tipped his head to the side, rolling it to left, one eye almost shutting as he tried to count the sections of muscular definition on the shorter man's torso. A.. nine-pack?

Bruce turned, pointing the puncture mark towards his butler and glanced at the Joker, unable to keep the smirk from his lips.

"Eh, ya know what?" The clown murmured, pointing with both pointer fingers to the modular room and nearly fleeing from the medical bay, slamming the door behind him with sophomoric grace, feeling bewildered and antsy and excited.

_This was thrilling._

This was like fighting but without the promise of pain. Well... that wasn't necessarily true, was it.

Joker bristled at the thought, leaning back against the door and shutting his eyes as another terrible smile slid across his lips. The clown prince of crime palmed himself through his slacks, pressing his shoulders harder against the door as he recalled the overehelming events of just a few moments ago.

Batman wanted to fuck him.

_Bad._

Super, nasty, _wake up in the middle of the night, wondering what the fuck is wrong with you_ bad.

Pressing the heel of his palm into his erection, the Joker shuddered out a little laugh, barking out a sudden scream as three quick knocks came from the other side of the door.

He whirled, throwing the door open with a murderous look on his face and was met with the goddamn--

"Batman!"

The top part of his Batsuit still hanging down at his waist, Bruce rushed the other man, kicking the door shut blindly as he advanced.

It was only natural that the clown took a few steps back, instinct and habit, hands going up in in a defensive pose before the vigilante grasped his wrists and drew him close to his body, holding his arms now down by his waist as he shifted a thigh between the Joker's purple covered legs.

A surprised noise escaped his throat, replaced with a rumbled kind of groan as he reached up, Bruce letting him break easily out of the hold on his arms. His hands clenched into fists before he wiggled his bare fingers out and slid his palms against the Batman's shoulders, his mouth falling open as they were, for one of the first times ever, skin to skin.

It was really only hands to shoulders but that didn't stop the Joker from shuddering, his hips jerking forward shamefully as he vied for friction against the thicker man.

"Bruce--"

 _"I need you._ " The vigilante interrupted, his gaze smoldering as he stared into his nemesis.

"Wh--"

"I _need you,_ Joker, _need._.. _you_." He pressed that much more forward, forehead against the clown's as his hands went to the taller man's waist. " _Please.._." Came his hoarse whisper and the green-haired man let out an almost choked noise, his eyes rounding in speechless shock.

  
Ohhh... how perfect would it be to tease his Bat. You need me? For what? Got a lightbulb to change? But the will to exhale anything that could fuck up this moment was not presently available to him and the clown blinked down at the object of his desire... Ohh... so, THAT kind of need. He could comply with THAT kind of need... Hell, he was exhibiting similar, needful symptoms...

This was all still very surreal, but he didn't object as Bat- _Bruce Wayne_ -man tipped his head to the side and stole a kiss and his breath from him, slick and cliche. Motherfucker was effortless as he pressed his nemesis down to the bed well too easily.

-=-


	7. It's Going D-D-Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's going d-d-down and on Christmas to boot. This is the last chapter of this story-- however, there is an epilogue coming shortly.

 

The Clown Prince of Crime began to laugh, a giggle breaking their kiss apart and Bruce froze momentarily, his eyes widening in shock as anxiety struck him. 

This was the * _Joker_ *.

This was... * _his_ * Joker. 

Batman smirked a little bit, silencing the laugh abruptly, his hands sliding up to grasp at the clown's pale wrists, pin them above his head somewhat casually. It was the Joker's turn to let a surprised expression cross his face and he gasped against Bruce's mouth, smile still plastered on his lips. 

"Alfred needs you to go to the medical bay..." The detective breathed against his nemesis' shuddery exhale and he released his grip on the man as he slid off of that body and stood back up, somehow not sporting any kind of obvious hard on-- lucky bastard had the courtesy of a goddamned codpiece.

"WHAT?!-- NO!!!" The green haired man roared, hands flying to the retreating man and he grasped at his arms, missing, trying to keep the sexually frustrated rage from his face and failing miserable. "YOU---! YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT _THIS_!!!" The Joker screamed as he pointed one shaking finger down at the undeniable tent in his slacks and he tried, so hard, to look as serious as his usually ridiculous face could muster. 

It did kind of come across, though it caused Bruce to produce a radiant smile, hands sliding onto his hips as he stood up straight, blood rushing from his own (hidden) prick back to his head and making him feel just a tiny bit disoriented. 

"About what?" 

The Joker's eyes went murderously wide, pupils nearly going to pinpricks before he balled his hands into frustrated fists and his eyelids lowered. Fine. He could play this, but goddamn him-- Batman was going to at very LEAST fix this. His fingers were deft over the familiar accessories-- he undid the belt quickly and couldn't resist brushing against his own hand as he unfastened the button of his slacks and pulled down the fly. His eyes stayed locked with Bruce's, until those sapphire eyes flicked down to his pale thighs, to his cock trapped beneath a pair of black briefs with a goddamn bat logo on the upper left-hand side. 

"'bout that..." The clown exhaled, his thumbs hooking beneath the elastic of the undergarments and he stared at Batman's exposed face, noticing that his cheeks actually were pretty damn flushed, that he'd just unconsciously licked at his lower lip. It made the Joker swallow reflexively, watching Bruce's face as his dick twitched. 

"Oh... _that_."  Came the quiet exhale and the broader man bit the inside of his lip before taking the second longer than he knew he needed to decide on moving toward the man again. 

_Oh yesss..._

The Joker was sure, now, as the half-dressed, de-cowled Batman descended upon him and helped pull down that garment, that he was, in fact dead. Somewhere in the morgue in GCPD, about to be dissected and soon to be roasted. The clown couldn't look, his head rolling back with whatever warped shred of modesty his mad mind could muster as he felt his cock spring heavily from the poly-cotton briefs-- well, at least he'd get bragging rights on exposing himself first... 

Bruce, felt the dizziness of anticipation and arousal make him feel reckless, hands curling around the very briefs he'd provided, pulling them down just far enough as he hoisted himself closer.

As his eyes narrowed and he looked up at the Joker's throat, at the way he'd had to look away, it made him seem... _human_. Like a man, like physical, needful beast. 

Right now, they were on the same playing field and the vigilante could work in those terms. He was going to drive this man, already on the brink of madness, even further. Or draw him in from the edge and make him taste sanity. 

Bruce watched, hands to the pale man's thighs as he leaned down and pressed his lips, just a touch, to his nemesis' prick, all while keeping his gaze steady on the Joker's jaw, his chin, the way his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed down his excitement. 

The sight, this utterly... redeeming sight of the Joker spread out on a bed, all of the foolish pretenses dropped as he succumbed to his baser needs. _THIS_ was the rehabilitation that Bruce had been pining about for so long... Wasn't it. The smile that crossed Batman's lips would have been one that the clown would have murdered to see but didn't have to, lifting his head partially as if he was afraid to look. 

Those blue eyes and stupid, perfect dimples and Batman was a centimeter from his cock-- he could have fainted! But... did one better, his hips jerking up, the tip of his dizzyingly hard prick against those usually flat-lined lips. 

How would he ever be able to _LOOK_ at Batman again, knowing that his dick had been in that mouth? 

A low noise that could have been the beginning of a laugh escaped those smudged red lips and the clown shuddered back into the bed as the vigilante pinned his hips to the mattress with those borderline inhumanly strong hands and took control. 

It... wasn't particularly that he'd imagined doing this before, he hadn't allowed himself... But Bruce had some experience in the bedroom... he knew what felt good. He could make a fair and educated guess but it wasn't really rocket science... certainly wasn't trying to decode a riddle or diffuse a smiling bomb... And maybe it was a bit easier for him to get all of the right reactions from the clown because it was _HIM_ , versus any incredible throat technique or tongue finagelry. 

However, he wasn't particularly restraining himself in any way as he slid his mouth down the entire length of this notorious man's cock, a wave of radical excitement rolling through him at the control it was apparent he had. At the way the pale man arched off of the bed for one shuddering moment before going flat against the sheets. 

Bruce could confirm this as, when he finally opened his eyes to tear himself away from the up and down, the swallow, the regulating of his breathing, the intoxicating routine of fellatio to meet the Joker's gaze, it was over. 

Just like that. 

A breath was gasped out that almost sounded pained and the clown dropped his head, back arching off of the bed as he endeavored to push his dick deeper into the liquid head of Bruce fucking WAYNE'S throat. Well _THAT_ just set the bar, mighty high, didn't it. 

"Bats... am I dead?" The Joker croaked out, still shuddering with the aftershocks of his expeditious orgasm, an arm draped over his face in the afterglow. Truth be told, if he were a lesser man, he'd be embarrassed about how quickly he was brought to climax... but well, when you look down and see the man that you've hated since the moment you set eyes on him, hungry between your thighs... Could the blame really be laid on him? 

_Not the Bat?_

"Not if I have anything to do with it." The detective murmured, leaning up and pressing his flushed mouth to the Joker's jaw, before getting up. "But Alfred will kill us if we take too long for dinner... and he still needs to take a look at your nose." 

"UGGHHHH THAT _MAN_!!! Why do you keep him around!?" The Joker whined, sitting up on one elbow after a moment and pushing himself back into his slacks. 

"I don't like doing the dishes." 

The clown's eyes narrowed at the other man and his mouth opened like he was about to speak, but he stopped and lay back down and started to cackle. 

Batman may still be the death of him yet! 

Letting the giggles wheeze from him and die out, the clown let out a sigh, rubbing at his face with one hand. 

Was this life now? It was life RIGHT now... and it was best to live in the moment, ey? 

He sat up on the bed to find Bruce standing in front of the open closet, glancing at the dozens of suits in purple, green and goldenrod. 

"Put on something... _nice._ " There was some insinuation there, his head turning to the recumbent man. "Dinner is upstairs tonight... It _is_ Christmas, after all." The vigilante rumbled, a pleased look on his face. He still looked quite, ravenous in a way and it made the clown bristle a little in anticipation. 

"Got some mistletoe undies for me, Bats?" 

"Something like that." Was all that Bruce murmured before turning and pointing a finger gun at him. "Alfred." And he walked out of the room with a smirk on his face, doing his best to entirely avoid his patient (and miserable) butler, who had busied himself for the time they were... indisposed. He watched Master Bruce and felt a wave of something... possessive wash over him. He was no fool. He knew what they were really up to... He'd seen that sort of muted, smug look on the younger man's face before. 

" _UGH_!" Rang out from the modular room and the butler bristled. 

He was also familiar with the feeling that Bruce's chosen partner was not up to his standards... but this was the Joker. And though he was fearless in the face of the madman, he couldn't help the dread setting at the idea of how much the crude, vile, murderous cretin could corrupt. 

_And he could corrupt_. 

 

"Ya ever get that ringing in your ear when someone's talking about you?" 

The clown yawned out loudly, a finger deep in his left ear, head tipped to the side as he made his way leisurely towards the help. "Or is that sneezing?" 

Removing the digit and giving it a grimace, he shrugged and clapped his hands together, standing a solid half a foot over the bloke. 

"Ehh, hell if I know, some old wives tales! Okay doc! Prostate exam, right? Wanna make sure I'm in good running condition for the boss?" The Joker couldn't help the laugh that exploded from his mouth at the way the older man rolled his eyes. "Ya know what, Jeeves? I'm gonna tell Daddy Waynebucks that we can keep you. I mean, it's a little _passé_ to have live-in hired help, but you're a keeper! _Sassy old shit_..." He hissed, patting Alfred's shoulder and flicking off some imaginary dust (while subtly wiping off his finger) for emphasis. 

The Joker jumped back as his hand was smacked away, another laugh leaving him and he took a deep breath, folding one arm behind his back before holding up his right hand and offering the Vulcan salute. 

"Okay, _okay_ , I do solemnly promise that I'll be good." He murmured with a leer and Alfred responded with his best ' _we both know that is bullshit_ ' look and FINALLY set about attending to the few lacerations on the unbearable fool's face. 

Going about the cleaning then swabbing of the cuts on the other's mug, Mr.Pennyworth carried on about his duties diligently, able, after decades of being a master of reservation, to follow through with this task without allowing much loathing on his face. But the part of him that felt like Bruce's father... The part that had devoted every ounce of his energy to protecting and nurturing the child of his employers... his surrogate son, couldn't resist. 

" _Why?_ "  

Tilting his head to the side, he scrunched his nose in question and then let out a breath. 

_Oh._  

This was that _'why you' 'why this' 'why that' 'why aren't you' 'why haven't'_ you sort of ' _why_ ', wasn't it. 

"You know, old man..." The Joker sighed, hands moving to Alfred's shoulders. "You live long enough to see your hate warped into love and it makes you feel some kind of agony that you want to share... _or something_..." He murmured with a wave of his hand, his face going from pensive to delighted as he watched the dawning grow on the butler's face.

Master  Bruce had been right. As usual.  _Damn him_. 

The clown's hands dropped and he scrunched up his face again, wiggling his nose and pursing his lips, it was very, very rare that he got patched up after a scuffle with the Batman... Huh.

"You're pretty useful, old chap!" The green haired man murmured, taking a step back from the butler with his arms outstretched. "But now, I have something of a date..." And a low laugh began to rumble from his lips as he rubbed his hands together,  laughing all the way back to his modular room as Alfred stared him down. 

Time, was of the essence! 

 

-=-

 

When the Joker had left the room again, a remarkable (and noted) hour later, he found himself surprisingly not alone in the Bat Cave. His head had whipped to the computer console level and a smug smile fell on his lips as he noticed Batman sitting there, hands tented in front of his face as he waited.

And watched. 

He was dressed, naturally, in all black, but this time in a dark ribbed turtleneck that complimented the broad shape of his frame and another pair of black slacks. It suited him and really, the clown didn't CARE so much what Bruce was wearing... It was all about _him_. 

The Joker smirked as he did a little twirl, his shoes tapping on the floor with each step and he knew he looked like the most dapper son of a bitch on the planet. Purple slacks with gold pinstripes, matching purple suspenders under a gold and lime green diamond-checked, black silk backed vest, Black Mamba snakeskin Sutor Mantellassis with white spats with great big peridot buttons. The dress shirt he wore was black with again, gold armbands around his biceps...  perhaps a slight homage to his Batman, but it made his skin look even more unnatural, all that much more distracting. His face, for the first time since his illness, had been lacking much color. No lipstick, no smoke around the eyes and it was worth it, for the way Bruce was staring at him. 

The vigilante did his he best to keep his face straight, solid, his jaw clenching as he blinked at the sight of the Clown Prince of Crime. He looked almost looked otherworldly, eyes still smoldering despite the lack of kohl.  

Joker had also not bothered with gloves and Bruce had noticed. Of course, he had. In fact, his sleeves were rolled up to mid-forearm and as much as he hated to admit it, even that was perplexingly alluring. 

We wiggled those long, bare fingers in a wave to one patiently waiting Bruce Wayne and smirked, hands sliding to his hips. 

"Well, then--"

"Upstairs, dinner is waiting." Bruce rumbled as he stood up, walking down from the computing platform to intercept the taller man. 

The clown snorted out a laugh, holding out his arm and Bruce hesitated for a moment before hooking his arm with the other's. He had never had such a person in his life who was always at the ready to challenge him. Who knew the right sequence of buttons. No one who'd ever cared for Batman and _THEN_ Bruce.

They strolled together, cave silent but for the Bats chirping above them, the detective drawing his clown towards the subtle elevator in the Bat Cave.

"So... this this normal for you then?" 

"I don't have a _normal_." Came the simple response as the unmasked man led the way into the silver box, dropping the taller man's arm. Bruce looked at himself in the reflection of the closing door, then at the Joker, who seemed to be preening as there was a mirror available. 

Was this normal? 

Was this _his_ normal? 

He hadn't pressed the button yet and the clown hadn't seemed to notice that Bruce was staring. The Joker was certainly crazy... but it was his own kind of normal, wasn't it? Normal being in the eye of the beholder, of course... 

His arm slid around the taller man's waist as they stood in the elevator, still watching. The Joker didn't seem to be bothered by the arm draped around him, in fact, when his gaze met Bruce's through the reflection, his smile went wider. 

"We make quite the pair, mmh...?" The green-haired man murmured, draping an hand over his Batman's bare one before turning a bit to face him as he threaded their fingers together. 

"Always have." Bruce replied, looking at his hand in the reflection of the elevator's mirrored wall, the way their bodies fit together. Inwardly, he would always loathe the two inches shorter  he was than his fool... but it was a nice aesthetic he had to admit. 

"What is this then?" The Joker turned his head towards the man, eyeing him. "I already loathe you. So much that I love you. So much that I can't bare the sight of you..." He murmured this all quite casually, waving a hand back and forth. "But I also can't be away from you, let me tell you, _it made me want to die_." He said with a sudden laugh, looking over the other man's head to his own reflection. "What is this?" 

"This is _our_ normal." Came the husky voice of Batman, tipping his face up and stealing a kiss from the distracted man. 

" _Heh._.." Left the clown's mouth as he turned, raising both hands to slide along the Batman's exposed jaw, pulling his head closer, bringing him deeper into the kiss. 

Every time was like a punch to the face, every time their mouths mashed, their noses brushed was like another strike. The clown shuddered against the shorter man, unable to keep from smiling-- it was his default, it was his safe place. He let himself, like always, get overpowered and pushed back into the wall of the suspended glass box. What kind of fool was he, truly, to be so blind for so long over how his Batman needed him? 

In his defense, Bats was like, the _ultimate_ at being a cold-hearted, shout-y, miserable piece of shit and his poor attitude and lack of willingness to play the game after a while had become detrimental to both of their mental healths. 

The Joker broke the kiss with a sigh, his face aching from how hard he was grinning and his eyes flicked around the mirrored elevator, which was still not moving. From all angles, he could see a flushed faced Bruce Wayne, his broad back hunched, tense as he pressed himself against this crazy, green haired, dapper lookin-- Oh wait, that was him. Heh! 

Biting the inside of his lip as the shorter man pressed his hot face against the side of his throat, the Joker almost whined out a breath; painfully aroused and feeling the abdomen clenching excitement of being close to Batman. 

"Let's fuck." The Joker blurted, eyes widening for a second before he shifted a cool, raised eyebrow look on his face-- as if they HAD before, as if it wasn't some kind of a big deal.

"Okay." Bruce breathed against his neck, hands at his hips, squeezing the man closer. He then turned, dropping his hands while squaring his shoulders and flipped up an subtle panel beneath the single round button, revealing almost a dozen more circles and hit fifth one in the second row as he met the Joker's eyes through the reflection. 

The clown, was leaning heavily back against the mirrored wall, eyes lidded as he stared back at Batman, feeling like his stomach was sliding into his shoes as the elevator began to rise. 

"I get to be on to--"

" _No_."

"Oh come _ON_!!! Rule of thumb! I'm taller!!" 

Bruce raised an eyebrow, turning again to bodily push the man against the mirrored wall, the look on his face dark but his eyes were bright. He looked happy. Batman looked happy. 

He'd made Batman happy. 

"Okay, okay _fine_..." The Joker exhaled suddenly, feeling mightily whelmed and quite sated as it dawned on him that HE was the reason that Batman did was he did. That HE was right. Batman was out of his mind, insane, looney-bin grade mental. 

Over _him._

"But you have to tell me you love me first, I'm not just another one of those women of the night, harlots that you discard after one use, tears on the pillo--"

"Stop talking."

"You know damn well that is not one of my strong suits!"

The raven haired man pressed forward, tipping the clown's mouth towards his as he stole another kiss. Easy, so easy to do, to take kisses from his big, wide maw. It was like, as soon as he got close enough, the madman's voice died against his tongue and he shifted into this eager, wanton mode of being ready to yield into the onslaught. 

"You're going to kill me..." The Joker exhaled, hands grasping at the front of Bruce's ribbed sweater. "I'm going to die from this..." _From happiness_. He wanted to say but didn't, silenced again by a kiss that was offered to him with a growl. 

 

**_*ding*_ **

 

Arriving on their designated floor, the billionaire turned again, pulling the clown by intertwined fingers through the manor he had yet to have a tour of. But who was he to complain, as he was following after the adamant Bruce Wayne, who was eagerly leading him to...

A dining room. 

_How about that._

"Dinner first." Bruce murmured again, brow lowered as he smirked at the taller man. 

Oh, it was  going to be like this? 

Like _Hell_. 

"Mmhmm, _sure_." The Joker murmured, grinning as he walked around the table... but he was also unbuttoning his vest, casually leaning over the spread of grub-- roast rabbit, goose, lamb shanks, hens, all kinds of vegetables, all while pulling his dress shirt from it's tucked in status and thumbing down the buttons. 

"What are you doing?" 

Pointedly ignoring the question, the clown reached up to unhook the arm bands from each arm, then shrugged out of the suspenders, black shirt billowing open as he dropped the gold bands to the table carelessly. 

"Oooh, _fruitcake_?" The Joker turned his head, pinning the apprehensive billionaire with his gaze. "I **_LOVE_** fruitcake." 

Blue eyes narrowed as he watched the clown shoulder out if his vest and shirt, letting the fabric slide to the floor carelessly. That stuff was pretty damn expensive and he _KNEW_ that... Bruce clenched his jaw, watching the as tall man sauntered further away from him and began to unbutton his pants. 

"Joker..." 

Again, he ignored the shorter man, his eyelids lowered slyly as he reached across the table, pushing dishes and entrees out of the way to get access the wonderfully cliche Christmastime burden. Ooh, it was a hideous brick but the Joker couldn't help grinning at the pile,  sticking his fingers into the cake and making an 'oooh' of a sound as he sought one of the candied cherries. 

Bruce was moving towards him without realizing it, brows furrowed as the crazy man gasped and whirled suddenly, holding up a shiny green one. What _luck!_ A look of mock-surprised painted his face as he turned around, ass against the edge of the table and brought the cherry to his lips, brows raised at the shorter man. Opposite looks on their face, as always. 

"Mmmh, the green ones are the _best_!" He managed to get out before he was bodily pressed back against the table, Bruce shoving the man back as he went after that cherry, barely  tasting it as the Joker swallowed it down and met him back with a kiss. 

Like **HELL** he wasn't getting what he'd wanted. 

It was _Christmas!_  

Bruce was between the lanky man's legs, grinding his _hard since Joker had uttered ' **fuck'** in the elevator _ dick against the other man. This was not going to wait any longer. He'd waited _years_ for this and was ignorant to the mess that was being made, oblivious to the dishes and glasses breaking. All that mattered presently, was shutting this man the up for a few minutes and this, after all of these years, appeared to be the most effective way.

He couldn't be bothered with taking off his shirt at the moment, though he wanted to feel that pale bare chest against his-- it was too imperative to keep tasting his mouth, stealing the breath from him. Bruce could feel the smile against Joker's lips and managed to open his eyes, managed to pull back though he kept the taller man pinned to the dining table by his hips. 

The Joker's head dropped back against the table top and he let out  a low giggle, shivering as he gazed up at the ceiling. This was _insane_. Was this what he was meant to expect from life? Was this what he wanted? His vision was suddenly filled with Bruce Wayne and he reached up to  brush the perfect hair from his forehead. 

"I can't believe how much I _hate_ you..." the clown whispered, shaking his head as he grinned up at the man of his nightmares. Bruce leaned down, taking another kiss and then another and another, hands wriggling down to wind under those narrow hips to pull the Joker against his lap. 

"I can..." The vigilante exhaled, biting that bottom lip, pulling Joker up by his mouth and when he broke the kiss, he slid back far enough to straighten and pull off his sweater, discarding it as haphazardly as the clown had his. 

"I can't stand the sight of you. Never have been able to." Bruce lied, leaning forward again, chest to chest as he took yet another kiss from that smiling mouth. His eyes fluttered shut as he breathed with his nemesis, their bodies rocking shallowly  together as their kisses became more desperate yet again. He broke their kisses with his forehead against the clown's, side of his mouth turned in a smirk. 

"Hey, _I_ don't have to hide my face beneath a mask, _Mister Wayne._.." The Joker smirked back, spreading his legs a bit more subtly and he brushed his nose against Bruce's, trying to lead him back into a kiss. 

"Shame... The vigilante exhaled, eagering kissing the man beneath him again, hungrier as they ground together, undulating shallowly against the dining table. A growl left Batman's throat, an impatient sound that both of them were familiar with and he pulled away from the Joker, sliding back and hooking his fingers with those semi-opened slacks. The pale man was fortunately on the same page as he lifted his ass off the table, no shame as he lay bare like a feast along side the massive meal going uneaten. 

This, was where Bruce felt the tremble of anticipation begin to distract him-- _Good God_. What had he done to deserve this life? This madness? He'd been so diligent in being respectful of the unconscious clown when he was recovering from the TITAN sickness. Alfred had to see more that pale, almost green-hued flesh than he had... But then the shower and any semblance of control at being able to see, let alone touch this body that he'd throttled countless times was obliterated. 

" _Hungry_? Why wait?" The Joker managed to purr, arms folding back behind his head as he lay utterly exposed for his arch-nemesis. 

He really was the worst. 

The Batman said nothing as he stared, shifting his dress pants down his hips and kicking them away, finally completely naked in front of the Joker and the clown had to sit up, palming his hair with one hand, holding himself up with the other. 

" **MY GOD** , you are hot, this is _ridiculous_!" He balked, waving a hand at the utter Adonis in standing before him.

And it made Bruce laugh.

He wasn't even _TRYING_ and he'd made the Batman laugh.

Joker's mouth fell open, eyes lidding at the sound. It was like his ears were getting fucked-- in a good way, _in a good way(!)_ and he reached forward, towards this absurd gift from the Gods (had to be Loki, HAD to be) hands ghosting over his bare shoulders, pulling his shaking from laughing body back to him. 

" _Bruce_." The name was thick on those unpainted lips and the vigilante turned his head towards the voice, another radiant smile sliding into his face as he gazed at the man he was above yet again. 

"Who?" 

The Joker almost barked out a laugh at that, but bit his bottom lip instead, eyes rolling back for a moment as he was distracted by how heavy the other man was. How his thick dick was throbbing, so hot, right between his thighs and it was intoxicating. 

" _Batman_." He sighed out, shoulders tensing as he shuddered beneath the vigilante, who had pressed his mouth to the side of his neck and had begun kissing. 

" _ **Who?**_ " Bruce purred out the question in his Batman voice, biting a little on the spot he'd been distracted with on the Joker's throat then resumed sucking on it, almost noisily, determined to leave a bruise. 

"Aah, God! That whole-- hnn, vampire bat thing going...mmh, strong!" The Joker managed to laugh/moan out, grasping at Bruce's bare shoulders. " **Batman.** " He suddenly hissed in his most theatrical tone, trying to sound like the master manipulator he was, but failing. 

A _'mmnhh'_ left said Batman's throat and he reached a not busy hand up to the clown's face, palming his jaw, fingers sliding through his hair, getting a little leverage to pull his head back and leave another mark. 

"Ohhh, I'm not going to be able to go out in publiccccc..." The Joker hissed, his mouth falling open as his eyes slid shut in bliss. Bruce's hand slid back down that long face, thumb grazing those kiss-swollen lips. " _Nnhh.."_ His pointer finger went into that warm, open mouth and if he hadn't been distracted by sucking throat, he'd surely be staring at the clown fellate his finger. 

Good. _Get it wet._  

"I'm gonna _fuck_ you." The Batman rumbled at his adversary, voice almost hoarse as he shifted more fully into his vigilante persona. It was a similar mantra, close to phrases the Joker had heard before, though usually it was ' _I'm going to destroy you_ ' or ' _I'm going to fuck you up_ ' on very, _very_ bad days. The absence of those few choice words had the clown moaning around that finger, eyes squeezed shut as he lost touch with reality for a little while longer. 

Bruce lifted his head, satisfied with the darkening marks on the man's pale throat and pressed his head against the other's cheek as he watched the clown pant around his finger.

"You want me so badly... it's so... _funny_..." He whispered hotly against against the shell of the Joker's ear, watching those green eyes crack open, gaze blearily and dark as he curled his tongue around  the billionaire's pointer finger. 

" _Heh_..." Was all the Joker could manage, kissing the tip of Bruce's digit before another noise left him and he turned his head to seek his mouth. It WAS funny. "Waiting on you, Bats..." He exhaled, swallowing thickly as he reached up to press his lips to Batman's again. 

Meeting that kiss suddenly quite roughly, Bruce shifted back, hands running down the Joker's pale thighs, at his hips, pulling his solid body back towards his. His hands slid down those thighs, grasping that narrow ass and drawing him closer. Usually so full of grace, the clown sat up on his elbows, staring at the other man, at his cock, flushed and proud-- he was so good, his Batman, ever the diligent.

 

His pining was interrupted as Bruce began to pull him from the table, assisting him in standing at his full height. 

"Mmhh?" The lazy breath left the clown and he looked down at this man, ignorant to the lavish decor, the useless expensive accessories encrusting the room. 

Bruce gazed up those two annoying inches and pressed his mouth to his clown's, starting to get a little dizzy from need but he didn't speak, breaking their kiss with a little lick to the taller man's lower lip before he roughly turned him around and shoved the pale beast back to the table. 

"Ohohoho _yessssssssssssss_..." Came the creaked groan from the madman, half-wishing his wrists were restrained but there would be time for those kinds of games soon. Feeling vulnerable was moot, he was well too excited, having to forcibly slow his breathing as Batman began to grasp at his ass cheeks, spreading him open. Ohhh, God, all of the cavity searches in the world, even the lubed ones, paled in comparison to just being gazed upon by his vigilante. 

Spit-slick finger forgotten, Bruce decided that perhaps he could exact a little bit of revenge upon his most loathed enemy. Eight or so inches of revenge and bit the inside of his bottom lip as he pressed his hips forward, sliding himself against the exposed aperture. Sure, he could shift, flip the man, force his dick into that big mouth and make this easy-- but did the Joker ever make anything easy? 

Batman smirked a bit, feeling a bead of sweat roll down his temple and swiped at it with his right hand, still roughly grasping a handful of ass with the other. 

"Let me know if you feel the same way in a minute." The shorter man breathed out, finally touching his own prick. He felt like he was having an out of body experience, as if he was watching himself from above and behind. 

The Joker was shaking on the dining table, glasses of water and wine trembling in anticipation of spilling; Bruce had positioned the tip of his dick against the clown's asshole and his eyes shut. 

They were humans. This they were men. They were animals. Beasts. Fools. Lovers. 

He pushed forward, hand sliding from the taller man's ass cheek to his hip once he was able to force himself against that first ring of muscle. 

A breath choked out of Bruce and he shuddered out a sigh, his hand leaving his seated dick to grasp at the back of that green head, fingers sliding through his hair, down to where his neck and shoulder met. 

"Relax." Batman growled out, watching and feeling the Joker tense at the use of his tone of voice. " _Relaaax..._ " Came the next breath, still a growl but less hard, less harsh. It almost had a touch of pleading to it, that kind of tilt that made the Joker usually break out in a huge grin. 

He did this time too. 

"I'm trying!" The clown laughed out, hands grasping at the table cloth and finally a few wine glasses did topple and shatter to the floor. The sound was fitting and perfect for their first joining. 

"Try harder, Joker..." Was the next purr, Bruce pushing his hips forward as much as he could and with a sudden grunt, the vigilante shifted on his feet, pulling the taller man up a little higher on his knees before he slammed forward, shoving his cock into that impossibly hot body with a groan. 

The yell that burst out of the clown was worth (the several weeks of referencing this event in front of anyone he possibly could as to why he was any number of things, late, tired, slow, agitated, hungry, ad nauseam) the saga that would surely accompany it. Bruce's fingers pressed into the muscle at the lanky man's hips and his back arched as he absorbed the feeling of being completely inside of the other man. 

_This was..._  

He wanted to hate it. To be horrified. To be disgusted with himself and the other and to discard the whole notion that this was the life he wanted. But he couldn't. This was a reward for decades of strife. This was his goal, the end game. This was winning. Bruce could hardly even conceive how he was doing this, how the 'v' of his groin fit like a puzzle piece against the back of this man. In the future, when they would be sleeping too close together on a bed that was way too big, he'd test the theories of how their bodies fit. Usually when the Joker would be sleeping as to not find himself teased about doing something so trivial and sentimental... But for now. 

For now, he was trying not to shake as he slid his dick out of that pale ass, watching as his penis became visible almost to the head and then disappeared again, back into the man beneath him. 

And over again, and again-- this was much better than fighting the man, he had to admit. 

Bruce's head rolled back as he watched himself slow-fuck his arch-nemesis on one of his many dinner tables during the wee hours of the morning on Christmas... And it was perfect, the way the Joker gasped and writhed, the way his back flexed, the muscles in his arms taut as he tried to hold onto anything, driven into over and over. 

"I love you..." The Batman moaned suddenly, both hands at the Joker's shoulders as he shoved himself as deep as he was able and tried to reach deeper, rolling himself into that eager body. 

Imagine-- if he'd thrown the Joker down that night in the chapel at Blackgate. If he'd torn the pants from his body and smashed him to smithereens instead of just punching him in the face repeatedly. 

Even from inside of the clown, his dick twitched at the thought. 

What would life be like, if he'd just claimed the Joker then, just taken him and said that was that, you're mine now. No more bullshit, be good and I'll reward you in kind. 

The Joker was openly moaning, his in-breath a more gasped noise versus his exhale, which was a low, shuddering groan. He was being sawed, savaged, destroyed, obliterated, reduced to nothing and built back up with every stroke. Part of him was even grateful that his cock was being neglected as there would be no way he'd even be able to command his lungs to take in air. 

Bruce lay against that trembling back, an odd sense of relief washing over him as he felt the sweat accumulating against that pale flesh. Ohh, he felt redeemed and began kissing wherever he could of that off-white skin; tasting the tang of perspiration, of the soap he'd picked out for that modular room. 

"Hhnh...I need you so... _badly_..." He moaned again, voice breaking as he began to claw towards his climax and that was all the clown needed, trying to throw the man off of his back as he seized, as his body shook. 

The Joker was coming against a Wayne family heirloom table cloth, tearing holes in the delicate fabric as he was both filled and emptied; as he achieved the next level of satisfaction-- of being brought to climax by his obsession, by his heart's desire, by his fated, his beloved, the reason he breathed. The reason he was willing to stop breathing. 

And Bruce, ever one to follow through with the chase, was right behind him, feeling like he was falling, tumbling down a the rabbit hole of darkness as his climax was drawn from him. 

_Fade to black_. 

\- - - 

When the Joker awoke, he was not in the lush, ever-made bed he had become familiar with. 

He was not in the modular room. 

And he was not alone. 

The clown sat up, stomach rumbling and palmed the back of his head as he glanced to his right at the sleeping man and his face split again, as it should, into a smile. 

This gross hallucination he was apparently living was quite a delight to wake up to and just to test the parameters of this bizarre, alternate universe he found himself suddenly in, the Joker shifted, leaning over the sleeping man who was facing him and pressed a kiss to his temple. 

One broad hand came up and slid into his hair, much to the Joker's surprise and held his head there.

"I'm not waking up for three more hours." Bruce rumbled, fingers spreading in that green hair and he pulled the man closer to his recumbent body. 

"Ugh... Fine..." Was the reply of the petulant clown but he lay back down, back to the Batman's chest and easily fell back into this bizarre kind of normal, a smile on his lips. 

_Their normal_. 

\- - - 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy. <3


	8. The (Short!) Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN EPILOGUE - - Because I had to and I'm not done-- Bruce wakes up to find Joker not in bed and sets out to find him in the mansion.

  
Bruce didn't like waking up to an empty bed. It wasn't that he didn't trust his lover, he _DEFINITELY_ didn't trust the man 100%...

It was more that he had a minor sense of possessiveness both about the manor and the man. Feeling responsible in way for both.

  
When he woke and the Joker was out of bed, it could mean any number of things. Most of the time, shenanigans. Half of the time, shenanigans that were aimed at making Alfred's life a living hell.

  
He set off from the bedroom, letting out a deep breath and gave the clown the benefit of the doubt as he went on the hunt.

Hopefully he'd find the man before Alfred had to deal wih him. They'd already been on and off again at each other's throats.

  
_"And so I'm hooooome in the Asylum.... Never alooooone in the asylummm..."_

In a truly messed up way, Bruce found it inwardly hilarious. It was nice to see Joker give the butler a little shit.. (partially because he earned it, partially because *he* couldn't.)

Batman didn't particularly like the Joker poking fun at the his help's age, but he wouldn't say that-- it'd only make the clown do it more.

Walking leisurely down the hall, Bruce tipped his head to the side and closed his eyes as he focused on listening.

Oh, the piano.

Well, _WHICH_ piano was more like it...

_"If you only knew, the things I'd do to youuuu.."_

  
It didn't take too long to find the Joker, who was still on this floor, just several rooms down, fingers dancing on the piano.

_"I was the Ace of Knaves... He was my King of Spades..."_

**"Is."**

  
The clown's head whipped to the side and he grinned wide at the intruder, still carrying on.

_"He **IS** my King of Spades, what a pair, suits clashed in style! It's bound to work, this Joker's wild!"_

"Why do you talk about me like I'm not here?"

"Well, when you're here, _where_ is Batman?"

Bruce smirked at that, an eyebrow raising as he moved further into the room to stand behind the man who had become so endeared to him. Incredibly annoying still, but quite endeared.

_"I'm stuck in his bed and I'm laughing..."_

"Joker..."

_"Oh I felt so flushed together, loook who's laughing nowww...."_

  
And he shook his head, watching the clown's fingers dance across the piano keys.

That he could play and wasn't doing 'chopsticks' or simply pounding the keys with his fists was something short of a miracle... but so was the fact that they had been doing this... new dance of theirs for several months without much saga. Bruce's hands slid over those broad but narrow shoulders and he squeezed a little.

The raven haired ma allowed his mind to wander to a conversation that had stuck out in his head from several weeks back.

 

 +×+

"Can we do this?" Bruce had murmured against the side of the green haired man's head as they lay together in the twilight hours of the morning, drowsy from being up all night, again.  
"We just **DID** it, Bats, what the _hell_ do you mean?"  
"I mean... can we keep doing this, _us_?"  
The clown shifted onto his back, letting out a breath as he gazed up at the ceiling then rolled on his side to face the broad man, meeting his eyes.  
"Do I seem bored to you?"  
"No..." Bruce's brows furrowed and he sat up on his elbow, regarding the other and shifted a little as the Joker fixed him with a quite deadpanned look as he continued.  
"I mean, it's really on _you_ my darling... Are you willing to have a certifiably crazy person move into your home after after years of back and forth torment? To let said loon deep in your nooks and crannies... _literally_ and figuratively? I mean, _look_ , Brucey, _Baby_. We both know this has a good end and a bad end. We've already had a good look at the bad end... and I thought you _liked_ my _good end_..." The clown sulked, smacking the curve of his own hip and sticking out his lower lip with a pout.  
The raven haired man shook his head as he pushed the skinny fool to his back, leaning over him and allowing a tiny smile before he stole another of what was already easily thousands of kisses.

  
"I do. I am. I have. Okay, _done_."

"Good. If I get bored... you'll know. And then you can punish me accordingly." The Joker teased, pulling Bruce's body to his as he let out a yawn. "Oooh, I've got some kinks that you are just going to _HATE_."

 

 

The former bachelor shook his head with a laugh at the memory and the Joker looked up, head tipping to the side to regard the standing man curiously, unable to keep playing while so distracted by that rare noise.

Yes. This was as normal as it was going to get and they both were more than fine with it.

"You okay there, big boy?"  
"No, no... I think I might be as crazy as you."

The Joker's hands dropped to the piano's keys heavily, discord filling the room and he whirled to stare at his lover.

"WELL _FINALLY. JEEZ_. THAT ONLY TOOK _FOREVER_!!!!!" He balked, as serious of a look he could manage crossing his face before he burst into laughter, leaning back against the piano gracelessly.

  
"You're stupid."

"Well you're ugly!" The Joker barked back, holding up his hands defensively. "I kid, I kid, you're freakishly handsome and I love you dearly."

"I love you too."

And Bruce could be at peace with this kind of madness. This kind of normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few ideas for this AU.

**Author's Note:**

> For your references (and enjoyment) have some relevant songs from the games:  
> Arkham Origins - Cold, Cold Heart as sung by the Joker (with official video)  
> https://youtu.be/n3RNP9Z6w9E  
> Arkham Origins - The Thieving Magpie/La Gazza Ladra by Gioacchino Rossini - https://youtu.be/3MRvDGd02mA  
> Arkham City - Only You as sung by the Joker (Official music video) -https://youtu.be/w8UEQf6ED7o  
> Arkham City - Only You as sung by the Joker on Batman's voice mail, played right after he dies - https://youtu.be/5UfsIvwzMeY  
> Arkham Knight - I've Got You Under My Skin, as sung by Frank Sinatra (from Batman's POV)  
> https://youtu.be/AsnHQUgFy14  
> Arkham Knight - Who's Laughing Now as sung by the Joker to Batman - https://youtu.be/Qwd_BEGe_Zw THIS IS VERY CANON.  
> Arkham VR - Rock A Bye, Baby, as sung by the Joker (Official game footage, also, look for the Mr J + Bats in a heart on the wall)  
> https://youtu.be/FrXKTFSMb-8
> 
> References to the Joker's predilection for classical music:  
> Arkham Origins - The Thieving Magpie (Official game footage, but watch the whole video, yeah?)  
> https://youtu.be/1F7dWLsEJuM?t=3m41s  
> Arkham Asylum - The Joker's Waltz (Official music video)  
> https://youtu.be/LnTgCn9pwdM  
> Strauss - Der Fledermaus (The Bat) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPybrOxRoT4  
> Strauss - Blue Danube - https://youtu.be/_CTYymbbEL4

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Destined to do This Forever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11967591) by [Vulcanmi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vulcanmi/pseuds/Vulcanmi)




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